It was a dark and stormy night

[lawren2 Malibu Beach Barbie & A Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close lawren2]

SAN FRANCISCO - A retired mechanical designer with a penchant for poor prose took a tired detective novel scene and made it even worse, earning him top honors in San Jose State University's annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest for bad writing.


Jim Guigli of Carmichael submitted 64 entries into the contest. The judges were most impressed, or revolted perhaps, by his passage about a comely woman who walks into a detective's office.

"Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean," Guigli wrote.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060711/.../worst_writing

[Bill4728 Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close Bill4728]

"Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean," Guigli wrote.

So are you saying this isn't great writing?

[lawren2 Malibu Beach Barbie & A Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close lawren2]

So are you saying this isn't great writing?

Not I!!!

I'm a big fan of Mickey Spillane et al.

[T. R. Oglodyte Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close T. R. Oglodyte]

That part about digging your own grave and licking the shovel clean reminded me of on my favorite Raymond Chandler bits:

"It was a blonde, a blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained glass window."

[lawren2 Malibu Beach Barbie & A Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close lawren2]

That part about digging your own grave and licking the shovel clean reminded me of on my favorite Raymond Chandler bits:

"It was a blonde, a blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained glass window."

Steve I just KNEW this thread would appeal to you.

[tonyg Goomba & Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close tonyg]

Frank and I never lick the shovels.

[Beaglemom3 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Beaglemom3]

It was a dark and stormy night
A man stood on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The pitch-black night was rolling in and no cars passed. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop.

The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door to realize that nobody was behind the wheel. The car started slowly. The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way. Scared, he started praying, and begged for his life. He hadn't come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time before a curve.

The guy gathered strength, got out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he ran into a cantina and asked for two shots of tequila, and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was crying and wasn't drunk.

About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same cantina, and one said to the other. "Look Pepe, that's the guy who climbed into the car while we were pushing."