Genu-wine Redneck Letter

[M. Henley Class President Find all posts View Profile Close M. Henley]

Since it remains politically correct to make fun of us'n rednecks, consider the letter recently received by a neighbor from out Wiswell way...

Dearest Daughter,

I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Tennessee Family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not to sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried and hot because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother.

Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your Other two friends were in the back.They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.

Your Favorite Aunt, Mom

[JLB Please excuse me, I'm a Dick. Not a moron just a Dick Find all posts View Profile Close JLB]

Hey, I resemble those statements!

This is fun to play with:

http://rinkworks.com/dialect/

PS: Having married into an Ozarks family, in case some of you have never known country people, they are just as convinced that city people are idiots as the other way around. And, when city folk come to visit, say to float the river, it would be difficult to argue otherwise.

And when you look at the way city people live, with all the crime and congestion, and where you don't even know your next-door neighbor, not to mention someone a block away, they have a point. In an Ozarks town everyone knows everyone else, but, of course, everyone is somehow family to each other. I don't even pretend to try to keep track!

Being a city person, and a college person on top of that, and having only been in the family for 23 years, I am still fighting the negative stigma associated with my city-ness and education.

[shopgirl Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close shopgirl]

I loved summers on the farm in Nebraska. Everyone was so friendly. We had 4-H meetings at different houses every week with homemade ice cream (and lots of pie) that was so high in milk fat, it tasted better than any ice cream I have had since, even my own homemade. The cream Grandma got from the cows was so thick in that mason jar that you had to use a spatula to get it to pour. Sometimes she would use brown sugar instead of white to make a caramel-vanilla version of the ice cream. That was her special secret that she told everyone about.

Grandma is still alive, she turned 88 (I am 51, she was a grandma at 36 1/2)on June 21st, the first day of summer. I thought she had the absolute perfect birthday for her, she is so dear and always has a sunny disposition. She is still active, works crossword puzzles and reads books and magazines constantly. She is a marvel. Our daughter is going to have a baby and it if is a girl, she is going to name her Evelyn, after Grandma. I hope Grandma lives another 20 years!