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A Cat's Diary

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  • A Cat's Diary

    Day 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the
    occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

    Day 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

    Day 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep deprivation, incessant pleas for food at all hours of the night.

    Day 767 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

    Day 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture.This time, however, it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

    Day 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my
    confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

    Day 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and may be snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue, something akin to mole speak, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal, room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
    Fern Modena
    To email me, click here
    No one can make you feel inferior without your permission--Eleanor Roosevelt

  • #2
    Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

    Day number 180
    8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
    9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
    9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
    10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
    11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
    12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
    1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
    4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
    5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
    5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

    Day number 181
    8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
    9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
    9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
    10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
    11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
    12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
    1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
    4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
    5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
    5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

    Day number 182
    8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
    9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
    9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
    “Maybe you shouldn't dress like that.”

    “This is a blouse and skirt. I don't know what you're talking about.”

    “You shouldn't wear that body.”

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    • #3
      This is a classic! Each time I read it and it brings a smile
      WorldMark Owners - Take back our club! |Email me at ts4ms@kapeesh.com as it is easier for me to respond than Private Messages. | Exchanges:Disney's Old Key West (Orlando), Four Seasons Aviara (Carlsbad, CA), Marriott Timber Lodge (Tahoe), Tahiti Resort & HGVC/Strip (Las Vegas), Wyndham Flagstaff, Star Island Resort (Kissimmee) & Pono Kai (Kauai). Marriott Newport Coast (CA)

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