The tears are falling

[Juleen Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Juleen]

Frank--we've been through that with our daughter--luckily, our son stayed in Arizona. Wasn't too bad when she went in state to ASU for her bachelor degree as we got to see her some weekends and summers. However, when she left Arizona for Iowa for her masters and doctorate--I felt like those parents who watched their children leave the east coast in a covered wagon for the west! I still think of how hard that must have been, some never knew if their child was still alive or if they arrived! Luckily, phone calls and our trips to Iowa made it bearable. Always tough to see her leave one more time, but, we were so thankful to know she'd be back. Now she lives in NY State (she can't go any further away and still stay in the US <g>), but we fly there at least once a year and she and her family come "home" for 3 weeks at Christmas. Emails help a lot and phone calls are wonderful! I promise you will survive--change isn't always fun, though, is it!!!!!!

[biskits Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close biskits]

Frank
I remember that day well 7 years ago...Unfortunately for me, it gotten harder since graduation. My son went to Holy Cross...Its only 75 minutes
from where we live and often times my business would take me thru Worcester
and I could take him and sometimes his roommates out to dinner. So betweeen getting together at school and him coming home, I usually
got to see him at least once a month. When he graduated, he took
a job in Manhattan. It then dropped down to seeing him about every
2 months. Last year he moved to LA and now its down to only 3 or 4 times a year ...Thursday was his 26th birthday and only being able to wish him happy birthday over the phone
saddens me... It certainly is a bittersweet time. On one hand, its awesome to see what a wonderful young man he has become...on the other hand, only seeing 2 or 3 times a year is really sucks.
As sad as it may be for the 3 of you, its the beginning of a new life for your son, as well you and your wife. Enjoy every moment of it!!!!
Regards,
Paul

[falmouth3 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close falmouth3]

I'm sorry to hear how your family is struggling with this. Rest assured that he will grow into a more self-assured and mature individual for having gone too school away from home.

I'm sure the first few days will be tough, but I'm sure you'll find new ways to occupy your time.

Best wishes,
Sue

[bigfrank Administrator Find all posts View Profile Close bigfrank]

Big Frank,
I remember dropping off all of them. It is hard indeed. Our last of three sons graduated this year. Ten years of college and tuitions later here's a little advice.

I cried on and off when the oldest son was a senior in HS knowing he was leaving even though the college of choice was 1 hour away. It hit my husband much later at orientation a few weeks before he left and he was pretty upset. The middle son's college was 14 hours away and that was pretty hard too. I did not want to leave. The last son went to school locally after party central at another college.

Thank goodness for IM and email IF they respond....... If not call the school and they will make sure it happens. New friends and a new life who can blame them. Very exciting time.

They will not always be in a good mood so be warned now. Push and pull of separation and becoming their own person without us.

My very best advice is to all parents who are dropping off their sons and daughters in the next few weeks is to "call before you visit".

Do not have them leave clothes in the dryer in the dorms. Clothes get stolen and in our case nice new clean towels.

Bring a few tools, lightbulbs,double sided tape and extension cords for move in day. And oh yes our sons et us know they did not want us to help them unpack at all. They wanted to arrange it themselves. Only one student in the dorm let the parents help so don't be insulted if this happens.

Freshman fall semester is an adjustment for most. No one is there to make them go to class, study or watch the alcohol consumption.

The nice part is we get to see the results of all those parenting years as they begin to make decisions on their own. You likely will not agree with all of their decisions. They still need us as guides and for extra money.

You begin to get used to the quiet and enjoy being a couple then they come home with the chaos and at times "don't tell me what to do" tone. A very wise mother of three told parents this at BC orientation and she was so right.

No matter what the meal plan is boys need more $$ for food. Boys often use the girls meal cards at the end of the semester which for the most part has funds left. I heard this from male students over and over. Good idea for them to work in the cafeteria for an extra meal.

Some will change majors, hate roommates and have other issues adjusting. Just be there to listen while they work it out. If they are still having issues after Thankgiving then do get assistance from student services on campus.

It is a wonderful time of their lives and ours as we grow with them and the new path they are on. I enjoyed listening to them when they came home. All our sons are still in touch with college buddies and bring them home to visit during the holidays. Nice to hear what they learned post college too!

Thank you for all the advice. We did bring just about everything including a tool set and extra cords and surge protectors. Did not know about them stealing cloths so I will give him a heads up. Right now he lucked out with his room mate. His room mate failed the entrance exam and will not be going so now he has the room by him self.

We had so much stuff to bring that we had to bring two cars. My wife drove with her mom and my son held my hand the whole way there in my car. I was so teary Eyed that I could not find my way to the Lincoln tunnel then made a wrong turn going into the school and then could not find the entrance to the parking lot that was 20 ft in front of me. Lets just say it was a bad ride for me. My wife pretty much organized and set things up nice for him. We forgot 1 or 2 items so we might have to bring a few more things up later this week.


After we left him we walked almost all of Hoboken to show my wifes mom the area. That put us so much at ease. The area is so nice and the restaurants have any type of food you may want.

[pcgirl54 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close pcgirl54]

Frank you have written the nicest story. Your son holding your hands demonstrates what a wonderful relationship you have with him. That is priceless.

Don't we all wish they were 3 years old and we could just scoop them up again!

So tough letting them go.

Keep us posted, my thoughts are with you and all the moms and dads facing move in day.

[Glitter Brunello Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close Glitter Brunello]

Aw, Frank, you are such a sweet softie

[katiemack Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close katiemack]

Gosh, Frank, what a moment in time, which you all will cherish. The hardest things are telling our children that it is okay to be who they were meant to be, and to give them the wings to fly. When a few weeks pass, you will all realize that this, like his first day in preschool, is the natural progression of love giving roots and wings to the young we cherish. Good luck to you all. And relish even these sad feelings, they along with the happy ones are what matter most in life

[bigfrank Administrator Find all posts View Profile Close bigfrank]

Aw, Frank, you are such a sweet softie

I am very sensitive, You can kill me with kindness.

Since my son at the moment has the room by him self we had to get him everything. So me and my wife went to BJs tonight to pick him up a microwave and an AC,. He stole my TV and we gave him a fridge. I spoke to him a few hours ago to see if he wants me to drop it off tonight and he said no. So I said how about early Morning since we have to pass near there on our way to AC. He said no again because he will be out because of what the School has lined up. So we are hoping to drop it off on Thursday when we come home.

Our close friends came over tonight to comfort me and my wife. We came very close to finishing a 1 liter bottle of Espresso Van Gough.

[GrayFal Silver Contributor and supermoderator Find all posts View Profile Close GrayFal]

I am very sensitive, You can kill me with kindness.

Since my son at the moment has the room by him self we had to get him everything. So me and my wife went to BJs tonight to pick him up a microwave and an AC,. He stole my TV and we gave him a fridge. I spoke to him a few hours ago to see if he wants me to drop it off tonight and he said no. So I said how about early Morning since we have to pass near there on our way to AC. He said no again because he will be out because of what the School has lined up. So we are hoping to drop it off on Thursday when we come home.

Our close friends came over tonight to comfort me and my wife. We came very close to finishing a 1 liter bottle of Espresso Van Gough.

The hardest thing u will have to do is give him his space.....I spoke to my DD every day when she went to college for 3 months - but she initiated the calls.... and then they tapered off to 1-2 times a week.

You ARE very close to him - so you can easily drop things off....and one thing the kids LOVE is for their parents to come and visit and take several of their HUNGRY friends out to dinner - so just give him a little time.....

WAIT until he says "Hey, when are u dropping that stuff off?" before you offer to visit again....

{{{HUGS}}}

[wackymother Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close wackymother]

Frank, you poor thing. We can't WAIT to drop our oldest DD off at college tomorrow!

Take your DS and his friends to Arthur's Steakhouse in Hoboken. They have great steaks, and it's very close to Stevens.

How could his roommate fail a test and not come to school? Once the kid is accepted--aren't they accepted, period?

[Kay H Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Kay H]

Dh and I drove to Killington on Saturday and I commented on how many cars we saw that appeared to be going to or coming from vacation but none that looked like they were college bound. Maybe we should have waited until Sunday.

Frank, our oldest son went to college in Marietta Ohio and I cried all the way there and DH and I both cried all the way home. The following year son #2 went to college in New Mexico. I flew out with him while DH drove son #1 back to Ohio. I felt like I was leaving him 1/2 way around the world. 3 yrs later when son #3 went to college it was old hat. Feelings of sadness but no tears.

It is a big event for all of you but just part of life. You will see some maturity when he comes home for Christmas break. And realize that he will learn things that his tuition didn't cover

This year my oldest grandson graduated college. Now THAT makes me feel old. He actually got a job in NYC.

[abc31 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close abc31]

You had me crying just reading your post! I know I'm going to feel the same exact way when mine goes. I already get depressed thinking about it & my oldest is only 12!

It sounds like you and your son will always be close. At least it is easier to communicate with them now, with emails & cell phones & what not. Keep yourselves busy. You'll get through it. It sounds like your son has a bright future ahead of him. Lots of luck!

[Marti Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close Marti]

Middle Village - New York


To
Hoboken New Jersey

11.5 miles about 30 mins
(1 hour 15 mins in traffic)

[bigfrank Administrator Find all posts View Profile Close bigfrank]

Frank, you poor thing. We can't WAIT to drop our oldest DD off at college tomorrow!

Take your DS and his friends to Arthur's Steakhouse in Hoboken. They have great steaks, and it's very close to Stevens.

How could his roommate fail a test and not come to school? Once the kid is accepted--aren't they accepted, period?

Believe me you will miss her. The kid had failed the test but was given a special type of test because he had a disability regarding taking written tests. So they had given him a pass to go as long as he could pass the oral test. He failed that one too and was not accepted. We are not sure when he got the news because as far as my son knew he was going but then started worrying because the kid stopped PMing him back and was not picking up the phone, Finally the night before the kid told my son what happened.

[Luanne Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Luanne]

Frank this is so sweet. Our older dd will be starting her 3rd year of community college and she's still living at home. We honestly can't wait until she finally moves out. Not so much because we don't love her and want her around, but because she needs to get out and stretch her wings. I still look back at going away to college as being one of the best experiences of my life. It's where you really start growing up.