New Stock Market Terms

[riverdees05 Platinum Contributor Find all posts View Profile Close riverdees05]

· CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer

· CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer

· BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

· VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

· P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

· BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

· STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

· STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

· STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

· FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

· MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

· CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

· YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

· WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

· INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

· PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.

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[T. R. Oglodyte Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close T. R. Oglodyte]

· BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Way back in the 1980's I worked for a real smart guy who had worked as a stock broker for awhile in the 1960's leading up to the 1970's bear market. We were talking about stocks one day.

After listening to me for a bit, he said: "Steve. I'm going to give you one very important bit of advice. Never, but never, mistake a bull market for brains."