funny response to scammers

[klynn Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close klynn]

I frequently post my timeshare rentals on craigslist. I usually get a few scammers emailing me. They always tell me a different person will be sending me a check for more than my rental price and they want me to send them the difference. I have quit answering them. However, my son thought it would be fun to write one of them tonight. I will post their email and my son's response below. It's pretty funny I think. My son's response at times make absolutely no sense!

Email from scammer:
Hello,Good day to you. Kindly check if we can use 3 nights (MAY 1- 3)
at your place. I want you to email me the availability and cost.We are
2, My Wife and I.We are coming for our honeymoon. we dont smoke and we
dont drink neither do we have pets.I await your swift response.


My son's response:
Guten Abend,

Yes, it is available. We only rent to chain-smokers, alcoholics, pet-owners, conspiracy theorists, and polka band leaders. By the way, do you like Disney? I very much being love Disney! My whole house is a bad imitation of Disney World (that's the one in Orlando)! I eat Mickey Mouse breakfast cereal; I drive a Mickey Mouse car; a portrait of Walt hangs over my Mickey Mouse mantle; and I only write on Mickey Mouse paper (with my Mickey Mouse pen, of course). Do you like Captain Crunch? I think that Captain Crunch is really a symbol of hope for people across the globe. By the way, who you vote for in the last election, I mean the one in 2008? I only rent to people that voted for the same person I did, you tell me first. By the way, do you believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy, and global warming? I do (except the global warming part). How much have you gotten under your pillow from the Tooth Fairy? By the way, have you been to the dentist lately? For my thesis in shammalamadingdongology, I wrote a 100,000 word essay on how America's happiness would increased by wumbo proportions if they visited the dentists regulary; believed in the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, and Santa Claus; and have a healthy obsession with all things Disney. What's your favorite color? I only rent to people who's favorite color is the same of mine, you tell me your's first. The price is $50,000. The price may change depending on my mood and level and serverity of my flatulence. Do you like onions? I do. Much of my front lawn is devoted to my onion patch. I'm a little lonely petunia in an onion patch. If your favorite color is my favorite color I may lower the price by a penny. How long have you been dating your soon to be wife? I only rent to people who have been dating for twenty years. When is the wedding date? I would like to attend. I can bring sacks of onions, cartons of cigarettes, alcohol, and my Polish polka band. Please note, everyone in my band has flatulence because of the onions that we consume. If you do not enjoy flatulence, you may want to be downwind of me and my Polish polka band. My good German friend General Kaiser Emperor President for life Johan Friedrick Georg Wilhelm Gustave XVII will bring his authenic Wisconsin German Umpa Band. I hope that you like that same beat. Da dadadadada dum da dadadada dum dum! Everybody polka! I like grapes! What were we conversing about again, didn't it in some way pertain to the subject of dragon flies. What kind of job do have besides scamming? Do you make good money from scamming?

Many thousand thanks esteemed one, dear comrade, and future renter,
The Mad Hatter

[shaggy Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close shaggy]

Great response. I must be stupid. How can you tell he is a scammer? I'm too gullible I guess. I see nothing that would lead to that conclusion shaggy

[T. R. Oglodyte Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close T. R. Oglodyte]

Great response. I must be stupid. How can you tell he is a scammer? I'm too gullible I guess. I see nothing that would lead to that conclusion shaggy

I have received that identical inquiry in rentals that I've posted on Craig's list. The last one I received has an inserted phrase that the sender worked for the Canada Department of Environment in Quebec. Apart from that insertion it was verbatim identical.

[klynn Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close klynn]

Great response. I must be stupid. How can you tell he is a scammer? I'm too gullible I guess. I see nothing that would lead to that conclusion shaggy

Once I answer the first email, the next email always is about a third party will be sending a check for more than the rental price and then they want me to send the difference.

[CarolF Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close CarolF]

How can you tell he is a scammer? I see nothing that would lead to that conclusion shaggy

It's all about past experiences. From the reading I have done, many scammers feel the need to include that they are on their honeymoon, don't smoke, don't drink and don't have pets.

[shaggy Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close shaggy]

Thanks for clearing that up. shaggy

[Kay H Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Kay H]

Klynn,
Does your son use the name Slim on the bbs over yonder? Seems to have the same flight of ideas pattern.

[taffy19 Gold Contributor Find all posts View Profile Close taffy19]

Many thousand thanks esteemed one, dear comrade, and future renter,
The Mad Hatter

Your son's reply would be a great answer to all of these jokers.

[klynn Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close klynn]

Klynn,
Does your son use the name Slim on the bbs over yonder? Seems to have the same flight of ideas pattern.

No, his is just a 15yo kids that was having fun writing non-sense yesterday!

[mshatty Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close mshatty]

Klynn,
Does your son use the name Slim on the bbs over yonder? Seems to have the same flight of ideas pattern.

[zdxlc9p6 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close zdxlc9p6]

So Slim is running his illogic on at least two boards!!!

[fendervo4 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close fendervo4]

This is so good, can I cut and paste it in the next scammer I get for a rental. I was laughing so hard that I cried and spit on my laptop. Thanks for sharing, this made my day.
Vince

[klynn Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close klynn]

This is so good, can I cut and paste it in the next scammer I get for a rental. I was laughing so hard that I cried and spit on my laptop. Thanks for sharing, this made my day.
Vince

Sure, copy and paste all you want. Here's another one you can use too.

Email from scammer:
Can we stillget a book in your place,myself and my husband will like tocomethere for our honey,we have no kids neither pets. Get back to me and let meknow your availabilties in next month'''''MAY''''

My son's response:
Dzień dobry dla Ciebie,

Availabilities for the month of '''''MAY'''' is everyday und jede Woche (that's every week im Deutsch)! We only allow chain-smokers, alcoholics, pet owners, and polka band leaders. By the way, do you like lutefisk? I do. That is also a requirement for you to be at the resort. I eat lutefisk oatmeal in the morning, lutefisk sandwiches for lunch, a lutefisk energybar in the afternoons, then I make many different things for my dinner of lutefisk, and I make a mean cup of of lutefisk coffee! Do you like coffee? I only rent to people that share the same opinion of coffee with me, you tell me first. I really enjoy caffeine. Once for my thesis in coffeoteacaffeinceology I wrote a paper on how the Western World's work output would be increased by wumbo proportions if we all drank ten pots of coffee each day. Do you like wood? I only rent to people that agree with me, you tell me first. What is your carbon footprint? You said that you were coming for a "honey", what is this? Is that what I put in my tea and toast (I, of course, don't use the same honey on both)? Where do you get your honey from? Do you own bees? I do. I own 10,000,000 bees, they all live in my backyard and in my house. By the way, honey also tastes grrrrreat (that's Tony the Tiger talk) in lutefisk coffee. Do you like Frosted Flakes? I do. I once saw a tribe in Papua New Guinea tenderizing meat by hanging it from the ceiling and beating it with sticks. They found that it is also a good stress relief system. Are you a really stressed out person? I only rent to people that answer the same way I would, you tell me first. What's your favorite color? I only rent to people that have the same favorite color as mine, you tell me first. Ouch, a dumbell just fell on my foot. I was theorizing that if I dipped it in sauerkraut, baked it in the oven (at 400 degrees), covered it in in barbeque sauce, put it on my grill overnight, afterwards hit it twenty times with an aliumium baseball bat, had eighty-seven software engineers spit on it, then have a Library of Congress librarian read a few passages from Crime and Punishment (with the dumbell present), and finally hang the dumbel from the ceiling with a rubber band that then (and only after I placed a copy of the New York Times under it) then I would create a hole in time and space that would allow me to go back in time and debate with Einstein about special relativity. How old are you? The resort only allows those who are 80+ years of age. Remember that you must also be a chain-smoker and an alcoholic. If you are on oxygen and seventy-nine and a half they will let you in as long as you are a chain-smoker and do a bellydance at check-in. The resort really caters well to this crowd, they've got free scooters (be careful when you drive them, for you must an alcoholic to even enter the resort), and the scooters have bottle holders. It's a real swingin' place, polka bands and bingo every night. And during the day they've got music blasting through mega power speakers that the resort picked up from the government bail out. No need to bring hearing aids! They really have some good senior tunes; Frank Sinatra, Louis Armstrong, Bing Crosby, the Andrews Sisters, and Puff the Magic Dragon. Puff comes on every five minutes to remind you to smoke. He's also the resort's mascot, along with the drunk pirate. It's such a happy sight, if you can see through the tobacco smoke, all of those happy, old, drunk seniors in their power-scooters singing along to Puff the Magic Dragon. And at bingo they give away cartons of smokes, different kinds of alcohol, and a dog. The price is $50,000. I only accept cash. What is your flight information? I will personally meet you at the airport and pick you up. I live cloe to the resort, and you can come to my house for a lutefisk dinner the day of check-in. You can also pick up the power-scooter at my house. I will also give you the fun pack of lutefisk smokes and lutefisk alcohol. The whole company and process of making them seem a little fishy, but I like them. Give me your adress and your phone number so I can send the funpack of lutefisk tobacco and alcohol products. Do you have any jobs besides scamming? Do you make good money from scamming?

Many thousand thanks esteemed one, dear comrade, and future renter,
The Mad Hatter

[vintner Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close vintner]

Is the following message one of those emails that qualify for the spam category?

--
Hello,
To whom it may Concern, My name is Dr.Jones Smith.I will like to check if my wife and I can use 4night at your place(11,12,13 and 14June 2009).We are coming from United Kingdom for our vacation, I want you to mail me the availability and the total cost.


Dr Jones Smith
Thanks

I am so 'young, sweet and innocent' that I don't know if this a spam, or just someone that doesn't understand. This must be a spam, no mention of where, and the dates are not what I advertised.