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Scuba Diving Chuckles
How To Fail Your Open Water Test
* Tell your Instructor you will race him to the surface.
* Lie face down and motionless while holding your breath.
* Spit in your wetsuit and pee in your mask.
* Your Instructor asks "You don't want to do the buddy breathing because you have what?"
* You ask your Instructor which fin goes on which foot.
* You ask your Instructor if that was his mask under your tank.
* You tell your Instructor there is no way you can lift a cylinder with 3000 pounds of air in it.
* When asked for your dive plan, you hand over a bundle of travel brochures.
You Need Buoyancy Control When
* You rely on the silt trail you always stir up to find the shot line at the end of the dive.
* You insist that you never wear fins because it makes it more difficult to walk on the bottom.
* The only place you can hover is at the surface.
* On ascents, your entire body clears the surface of the water.
* You use 1000 psi for breathing and 2000 psi for your BC.
* You are certain you went for one dive, but your computer has logged three.
* You think being neutral in the water means that you don't fight with your buddy.
Your Dive Buddy Hates You If
* He gives you the "wait here" sign and you are still on the boat.
* He "forgets" to close your dry suit zipper.
* When you indicate you are low on air, he writes on his slate "I'll get you some" and swims off.
* When you give him the out of air signal, he passes you his snorkel.
* You give him the "OK" signal and he gives you the finger.
* He spits in your mask for you, but you haven't taken it off yet.
* He shows up with a set of tables based on his own algorithm "that's WAY better".
* He loudly proclaims that safety stops are for "wossies".
* Tell your Instructor you will race him to the surface.
* Lie face down and motionless while holding your breath.
* Spit in your wetsuit and pee in your mask.
* Your Instructor asks "You don't want to do the buddy breathing because you have what?"
* You ask your Instructor which fin goes on which foot.
* You ask your Instructor if that was his mask under your tank.
* You tell your Instructor there is no way you can lift a cylinder with 3000 pounds of air in it.
* When asked for your dive plan, you hand over a bundle of travel brochures.
You Need Buoyancy Control When
* You rely on the silt trail you always stir up to find the shot line at the end of the dive.
* You insist that you never wear fins because it makes it more difficult to walk on the bottom.
* The only place you can hover is at the surface.
* On ascents, your entire body clears the surface of the water.
* You use 1000 psi for breathing and 2000 psi for your BC.
* You are certain you went for one dive, but your computer has logged three.
* You think being neutral in the water means that you don't fight with your buddy.
Your Dive Buddy Hates You If
* He gives you the "wait here" sign and you are still on the boat.
* He "forgets" to close your dry suit zipper.
* When you indicate you are low on air, he writes on his slate "I'll get you some" and swims off.
* When you give him the out of air signal, he passes you his snorkel.
* You give him the "OK" signal and he gives you the finger.
* He spits in your mask for you, but you haven't taken it off yet.
* He shows up with a set of tables based on his own algorithm "that's WAY better".
* He loudly proclaims that safety stops are for "wossies".
Im going to remember the snorkel bit !!!! 
Its too bad that I usually run low on air before my buddy, so it might be a while to actually use the bit.
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