One of my students committed suicide

[Glitter Brunello Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close Glitter Brunello]

So tragic. Unfathomable. I am so sorry

[pkyorkbeach Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close pkyorkbeach]

Too many teen suicides
So sorry to hear of the loss in your school/community.

[longtimer Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close longtimer]

Sorry to hear the news. Too often there are no notable signs. Teens often keep everything in, and even family may not aware of anything unusual. Keeping the lines of communication open with children is really important. However, this is tough during the teen years, when parents are viewed as monsters who simply want to control their childrens' lives.
I will keep his family in my prayers and say an extra one for you.

[Pat H Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Pat H]

Oh, Jacki, what a terrible tragedy. His poor family will be haunted forever with what if's. My heart goes out to his family and friends.

[Jya-Ning Silver Contributor Find all posts View Profile Close Jya-Ning]

Jya-Ning

[Kay H Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Kay H]

Jacki,
How terrible for the family and his friends. This has to be hard to fathom. Hope all of you recover from the shock. I guess we just don't know how someone else is suffering. I will say a prayer for his suffering family.

[Luanne Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Luanne]

It's so sad whenever you hear of anyone, let alone a young person who has taken their own life. Then to have it happen to someone you know. Heartbreaking.

[MargeS Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close MargeS]

incredibly sad....

[Hobbitess Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hobbitess]

I can't shake the feeling that the school failed, somehow, to realize there was a problem.

Please don't believe that. A friend of mine who'd been quite active in a survivor's group and had been in counseling for years and had the support of her family looked to be doing very well about the time she committed suicide. People in her life who knew she was at risk and were trained to recognize the signs, and those who had known others in the past who had suicided, did not suspect a problem. It doesn't matter how expert someone is -- none of us is psychic, and the only way we can know that someone is in pain is if they tell us.

Some people in pain let you know, either verbally or by how they act. But some people do their level best to hide it, and those who've been abused by someone when they were young can sometimes learn to hide it very well, even from their own family. I don't know why my friend decided to hide her pain from those she'd confessed it to before, but she did. There's no failure in not seeing what is hidden, whether the person hiding it is doing so consciously or unconsciously. It is good when people are willing to reach out to the hurting, but if the hurting person is not open to it, for whatever reason, that's not a failure of those offering the help.

I'm so sorry you have to be dealing with this. I know you must mourn your loss, but please don't feel guilt where the school did nothing wrong.

[jackio Gold Contributor Find all posts View Profile Close jackio]

Thank you all for your support, kind words and prayers.

[joycapecod Silver Contributor Find all posts View Profile Close joycapecod]

Oh Jacki, I can't even imagine. My step son has had several from his high school graduating class commit suicide, and it is always a shock. Please realize that there was nothing you could see if he did not want you to see it. Young people are very good at deception.

My heart breaks for his family and especially his younger brother. I hope he gets help to cope with his feeling about finding his older brother.



Joy

[IreneLF Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close IreneLF]

Jacki, I can't even imagine what the family feels -- and that poor little child who found him.
I am just glad that you did not have a lot of contact with the boy, so that you can't possibly put any blame on yourself for not noticing any signs, etc.

[vintner Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close vintner]

I brought this thread up to my wife, a teacher. She is in a small private school.

She said that in her 10 years at her present school, one student died from 'the choking game'. Official Choking Game Awareness site (Pass out, Gasp, Choking Game)

One young teacher from France was diagnosed with cancer. He was engaged shortly before he found out. He went back to France...and died.

Remember how easy we had it growing up? I really believe that the 'walking up hill both ways through the snow' life that we may have had is nothing like what some kids have now with bullies and peer pressure. It is tough to be a kid, and tough to be a parent.

[mrspigdoc Member Find all posts View Profile Close mrspigdoc]

suicide

If you want to feel productive and be truly helpful, research suicide support groups in your area, and give the information to the parents. When my husband committed suicide about a year and a half ago, the support group was the place that was most helpful. Regular grieving groups won't do it: a suicide is a very different death than a car accident or an illness. There is a horror, and perhaps guilt, aspect that isn't there in other types of death. The parents need to know that they didn't know because he didn't want them to know. The leader of my local suicide support group lost his son to suicide 20 years ago; they had dinner together the night before the son chose to shoot himself the next afternoon. They need help, and they need suicide specific help. It was a very healing place for me. I was to a shrink a few times, but they didn't KNOW the horror. The support group is just regular folks sharing their pain with people who understand the immense tragedy of the situation. My heart goes out to all who knew this child because they will never be the same.

[happymum Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close happymum]

Teresa, thanks for sharing your experience and knowledge.