Nursing Homes

[Icc5 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Icc5]

Help with Mom

thanks for suggestions, using all the links and calling lots of places.

We checked around (in Calif.) with several agencies and found one we liked. They sent out a few different people and once we found one my Mom really liked that became her caregiver except on the days off. We also found someone for those days. That went on for about 3 months and then my Mom got strong enough and wanted to be on her own again. Again, that went on until the next fall. This time we hired the person she liked bypassing the agency for a lot less money. It has worked great ever since.
Bart

[rapmarks Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close rapmarks]

I spent yesterday and day before calling and checking up through the various links. I found an agency that does in home help for 20 an hour. my sister is gone 11 hours for work, so that is 220 a day. I found three assisted living for memory care , one of which went through her records and said they would take her, and the other two acted like they would. My mother is being released onThursday morning and they would take her immediately. My sisters said no they are taking her home. This morning my mother asked where her mother is, so she is downhill fast. I think they are making a big mistake taking her home.
what is really bad is the complaining calls from my sister about everything, already had one this morning. I have asked her since this saturday to get the medical information sent to a nursing home that is farther away, she still hasn't done it. I talked to the admissions person, they warned against spending all her money in home care or assisted living, there are absolutely no beds in illinois if you can't pay going in, and you have to prove you have two years of money. so paying 6000 a month for help at home or even paying for assisted living is going to deplete her money. assisted living is around 5700 a month for all the services she needs, plus all her meds.

[ampaholic Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ampaholic]

When DW's mom was diagnosed with Dementia at 91 - her 5 children got together and drew straws for who she would stay with - the other four then agreed to each fork over 1/4 of the salary that the "winner" gave up to stay home and care for MIL every month.

It was the cheapest and best care arrangement they could give - the system lasted 4 1/2 years until she passed peacefully. Fred then went back to work.

[rapmarks Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close rapmarks]

When DW's mom was diagnosed with Dementia at 91 - her 5 children got together and drew straws for who she would stay with - the other four then agreed to each fork over 1/4 of the salary that the "winner" gave up to stay home and care for MIL every month.

It was the cheapest and best care arrangement they could give - the system lasted 4 1/2 years until she passed peacefully. Fred then went back to work.

this is what i wanted my sister to do, she earns about 1/3 of what it will cost, she hates her job, she is 58, my mother has to have her around, she doesn't care about the rest of us. My two other sisters say NO, what if mom dies, then she won't have a job. this sister inherits all, so then she lives off that and her savings and starts on social security in three and a half years..

They had a meeting today with social worker and staff said they were foolish to take my mother home, i had found a place for her, but my sisters said no, they were taking her home. Now at 5 o'clock they are calling me asking what to do. I have been getting calls and emails non stop for two weeks about how bad my mother is doing and now my sister asks me "do you think she's that bad".

[jackio Gold Contributor Find all posts View Profile Close jackio]

this is what i wanted my sister to do, she earns about 1/3 of what it will cost, she hates her job, she is 58, my mother has to have her around, she doesn't care about the rest of us. My two other sisters say NO, what if mom dies, then she won't have a job. this sister inherits all, so then she lives off that and her savings and starts on social security in three and a half years..

They had a meeting today with social worker and staff said they were foolish to take my mother home, i had found a place for her, but my sisters said no, they were taking her home. Now at 5 o'clock they are calling me asking what to do. I have been getting calls and emails non stop for two weeks about how bad my mother is doing and now my sister asks me "do you think she's that bad".

It is probably guilt that is making your sisters think they have to take your mother home. But the prospect of your sister without health insurance until she reaches Medicare age is a real concern. It seems that you are the sibling who is trying to analyze the situation from a logical vs. emotional mindset.
Best of luck.

[rapmarks Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close rapmarks]

yes, they are afraid to say no to my mother.

[rapmarks Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close rapmarks]

Here is what I have found out. There are really beds available, the nursing homes in south chicago suburs are all trying to go to short term care because they get more from medicare. My cousins daughter works in the field, is in and out of the homes daily. The home my mother is in now gets $18000 a month from Medicare for short term care, upstairs is the long term nursing home, they get $10,000 a month. they are phasing out the long term care. Wait lists are not real, you will never get a call. private pay will get moved ahead of Medicaid if there is a rare opening. Assisted living today is what a nursing home in the past was as far as the health of the residents.

[Tia Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Tia]

Interesting eye opener about the short term and long term pay differences and the trend going towards the better paying short term.

Tough situation, sounds like there needs to be someone listening to the facts and then take the emotions out to come up with with the best solution. Good Luck

Here is what I have found out. There are really beds available, the nursing homes in south chicago suburs are all trying to go to short term care because they get more from medicare. My cousins daughter works in the field, is in and out of the homes daily. The home my mother is in now gets $18000 a month from Medicare for short term care, upstairs is the long term nursing home, they get $10,000 a month. they are phasing out the long term care. Wait lists are not real, you will never get a call. private pay will get moved ahead of Medicaid if there is a rare opening. Assisted living today is what a nursing home in the past was as far as the health of the residents.

[mkarizona Member Find all posts View Profile Close mkarizona]

It is probably guilt that is making your sisters think they have to take your mother home. But the prospect of your sister without health insurance until she reaches Medicare age is a real concern. It seems that you are the sibling who is trying to analyze the situation from a logical vs. emotional mindset.
Best of luck.

My dad is 94 with dementia and we just moved him into a care home last month. The guilt and "I should be able to do this" "maybe its not really that bad" etc. are huge stumbling blocks. My brother made me see the light with one question: Would you rather put him in a home too soon or wait until something bad has happened? I still feel like I have to defend my decision to anyone who asks but at least I know the decision was right! Keep telling your sisters that you think they should move your mom into a home. It will lessen the guilt. They need to know you will not think less of them for making that decision.