Which way is best for helping MIL???

[RESORT2ME Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close RESORT2ME]

Health is far from the best for my dear 89 year old MIL.
Her funds are fast dwindling. She can’t afford taxes, insurance, house or yard maintenance, alone any doctor bills.

She lives in a 32-year-old house at Holiday, north of Tampa. We are in VA and the other 2 daughters are in MI... nothing convenient.

The value of the housing market is on the downturn. Three years ago the house could have sold for plus 200K. Now 40% less.

The daughters are on the will to split things (when she dies). Caroll is oldest and named executor. Here are some scenarios being kicked around amongst the sisters:

A. MIL sell the house for what she can get. Choose apartment lifestyle, if they would take her. OR she could live with any of the daughters. (I doubt she could exist on her own for long.)

B. Put the house in the names of the three daughters and allow MIL to reside there for as long as she can with the house expenses be shared equally by the daughters. (How to control that?)

C. We purchase the place ourselves, for a small down payment and a monthly payment and let her stay on. We keep account of expenditures, with those coming off profits, for splitting when Mom is no longer able to stay there.

Any other options the knowing or experienced care to share???
Suggestions appreciated.

Robert

[bigfrank Administrator Find all posts View Profile Close bigfrank]

If you need to sell the house and buy a condo where she does not have to worry about any maintenance. She will still have to pay but at least there are no major headaches, Another option is to rent. If you guys can hold out I feel the housing market will go up in a year. But you will also pay more for the Condo. If you buy the condo now and sell the house in a year you will be a head of the game.

[Glitter Brunello Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close Glitter Brunello]

Have you considered a reverse mortgage with funds to go toward different living situation while you wait for the market to turn before you sell? I don't know enough about the numbers to know if it make sense, but it may be worth looking into to see if it makes sense.

Also, if there is a chance she will need nursing home care, Medicaid will "look back" for a period of years and void any asset transfer -- the period used to 3 years, but it may be longer now.

[RESORT2ME Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close RESORT2ME]

Most likely the house won't get sold for another year.

I don't know for sure what the reverse mort. does with regards to protecting the house from Medicaid assessment in case of long term care.

Tonight, Caroll spoke with mom and a sister. Mom may go north for the summer. If they talk her into flying up, she will have room in a daughters home for as long as she wants. I have an idea mom will not make it back to FL.

She will refuse long term care, most likely. We will deal with the house expenses and help with sisters expenses. Mom does like to eat. There will be trvel expenses also as sister will try to take mom around to see relatives and freinds.

I can't imagine the housing market making that house worthless and if so, we may have to live in it.

Thanks guys. Any further ideas are welcome.

Robert

[Sydney Contributor - Bronze Find all posts View Profile Close Sydney]

I would if MIL agreed -

1. Sell her house so that she would keep all the money and have some spending money in her old age for medical and personal care, etc.
2. She can live with any of her daughters who are willing or all three can take turns if all three are happy to have her living with them.
3. She can help with living expenses from the proceeds of the house sale.
4. If she spends all the money while she's alive, there'll be no inheritance but who needs an inheritance anyway? If there's anything left over, she can leave it to her daughters.

This is from my perspective as one of three daughters. I would not want my 89 yr old mother living by herself or in a nursing home unless she was in such precarious health as to require 24hr medical care. I would not want her to spend her last years struggling for money just to ensure an inheritance. I'd rather she spent it on her own care and if there was nothing left over, then so be it. I would be happy to contribute as much as I could afford for her care. I am assuming that when my mother is that age, I would have already had my own mortgage paid off and have less expenses in raising my own kids so would be in a better position to help her financially. So if the sisters still have lots of other expenses, it'd be difficult to support her financially.

[pcgirl54 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close pcgirl54]

Have you considered meeting with an elder law attorney re: protecting her remaining assets. There was a three year rule. We did this with my parents.

Does she drive? Who does her errands now? Have you spoken to the area Senior Center/Council on suggestions in her area?

If she sells the house and buys a condo how long before she cannot take care of herself thereby you have a similar situation. No one to watch out for her. She is 89 so I would be hesitant about another home.

What about Senior housing-not a nursing home? Some seniors are insulted by this suggestion. My MIL finally did this in Florida after selling her home. Her expenses are low and there is a staff to check on her. She is 78.

My Dad is 90 and lives 6 miles from me. He still drives and will not sell the house. It is not easy at all.

[barndweller Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close barndweller]

I'm sort of in a similar situation, except that Mom lives very close. Living with me is an option down the line but my siblings have no room.

With your wife's sisters willing to help, I would have MIL live with the daughters, each taking her for extended "visits." Hang on to the house and rent it out until the market improves. Everyone would need to agree that one would be in charge of managing the rental but all would be responsible for any maintenence issues. A seperate bank account could be set up just for the rental. The income should be enough to cover expenses if there is no mortgage & may even provide MIL a small income.

That way Mom is taken care of, everyone shares in the expense, & you are given some more time to protect her assets.

[Holly Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Holly]

I'm in the same situation, only my parents are running out of cash and they still owe $100K on the house. (Don't even ask )

Anyway, I'm going to pay off the loan so that they have a better cash flow situation. They are going to deed me the house...call it a $100K purchase. Their pensions and SS give them around $3K a month and if I kick in a bit we should be able to get my mother into a fairly good place. My father is in poor health and will most likely go before she does.

They are in MS and I'm in NY. Totally different cost structures thank goodness. It's tough being far away but if they were here we'd be talking $10K/mo for a decent place.

I have a half brother who is not financially able to help with any of this, unfortunately.

[kbletzer Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close kbletzer]

Robert,
Having gone through this not too long ago I learned that there are so many options.
You did not mention if there is currently a mortgage on the home. That is key. If not, you are in a good position. Do not rush into anything that is number one.
The idea of bringing MIL home is a great one if she can handle the trip and if you and your family can handle the care it will take.
You need to look at it this way, you are creating those very last memories with her.
Pretty much that is what we did with Mom. We cared for her till the end.
It was the hardest year of my life but the best year also! We have so many laughs over the funny stuff we went through!

Then came the disposition of the home. It was cleaned up, repainted, recarpeted and put on the market at a decent price and was sold in a couple of months.
The one thing I will advise you on is that you will need a good attorney who knows estate law. There are things we would have done wrong if not for our attorney.
If it is possible to handle caring for her without having to sell the home first, I would suggest it. She would probably hate going somewhere (I know my Mom detested the thought) and she also could not stand the thought selling the home she worked so hard for. So we tread lightly there. She was our Mom after all. So the next question is .... have you asked her what she wants?

[RESORT2ME Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close RESORT2ME]

It appears MIL will hold up with daughters for the summer. That way if she needs a care center, at least she will have loved ones close. Mom has not been one to blow money on health care so I’m certain she will do the same when the end approaches.

The house may sit for awhile as the sisters can’t agree on what to do. Personally, I feel it could be rented to help support Mom and pay for taxes, insurance and maintenance expenses.
There's no mortgage. Maybe the market will improve. More than likely though, rental expenses and other costs would chew up any appreciation.

Thank you, everyone.
At least now, I have a few more ideas.

Robert

[hope54 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close hope54]

"Look Back" period for Medicaid

The look back period is now five years for medicaid. My parents had only the value of their home in their estate. An attorney created a scenario of the folks 'gifting' their children in increments so they would not incur tax. The time line worked so that they could shelter the little bit of money from their home for their children. But the transaction now has to be completed fove years before the death of both parents. Very important to get a lawyer who knows medicaid law.

Good luck,
Marilyn

[RESORT2ME Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close RESORT2ME]

Update on Caroll's Mom.

It appears MIL will hold up with daughters for the summer. That way if she needs a care center, at least she will have loved ones close. Mom has not been one to blow money on health care so I’m certain she will do the same when the end approaches.
...

Thank you, everyone.
At least now, I have a few more ideas.

Robert

Those prayers worked.
Mom has been in hospital... pretty bad off... several rushed to see her while she was still alive. She recovered and been living at home in FL, always a daughter with her.

Mom's sister-in-law passed away and a memorial service is to be held soon in Traverse City, MI. Mom and daughter will be traveling up for that.

We are helping with remodeling for two months and planned to go home the first of Oct. Sister-in-law (here in MI) is planning a birthday get-to-gather for Mom's 90th. We will stick around for that.

Again, thanks for the prayers.

Robert