Opinions please -- 17 year old DS wants to spring break alone

[mikey0531 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close mikey0531]

Right out of the gate, I freaked out and said "no" But, here's the situation. My son is 17 1/2 and one of the youngest seniors in his class. His friends have already turned 18. A group of them want to go away for spring break. I haven't verified this -- but he says I'm the only one to say no -- other parents are okay with it (which I find hard to believe). The scariest part of it for me is that they want to drive. My husband said he and all his friends did it as seniors in high school. But, I'm not telling my son that! I'm wondering what other parents think of this? Oh -- and I just found out -- of all places -- they want to go to Daytona Beach!

Thoughts please?

Debi

[jgirvine Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close jgirvine]

In a nut shell, he is not of legal age....anything happens, it is you that pays the bill. Sorry he is the youngest in his class, I am sure he is saying that is "not fair". Well, guess what, life is NOT FAIR. We have to work with the cards we are dealt. He was dealt a "bad" birthday, he has to deal with it.

Good Luck.

Tell your husband the world is a whole lot meaner than it used to be. My husband hitch hiked through Europe in college...today...no way.

[lawren2 Malibu Beach Barbie & A Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close lawren2]

I vote No. Not without at least one responsible adult with them.

FWIW they may find that they can't check-in anywhere! A lot of properties have a strictly enforced minimum age of anywhere between 20 and 25 particularly during spring break.

You may want to research that angle to soften the blow.

[Glitter Brunello Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close Glitter Brunello]

There is an annual "senior trip" here. The school makes a point of letting parents know that the trip is neither sponsored nor condoned by the school, but a lot of kids go anyway, usually to the Bahamas. I have no doubt it is nothing but a long week of overindulgence and irresponsibility. About three years ago, a kid fell off the balcony at what I think is now known as the Nassau Crystal Palace and died.

We fully intend to say NO to our son when the time comes. I hope I'm able to stick to my guns.

[Luanne Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Luanne]

Do you know the other parents? Have you checked as to whether they did say yes, or no? That shouldn't change your mind, but sometimes when challenged you'll find that you are not the only one who said "No".

[joycapecod Silver Contributor Find all posts View Profile Close joycapecod]

I second jgirvine; no way. He's "not of age" and the world is much more difficult that it was even 10 years ago. I recently (past year) went through this with my niece and vetoed the trip and she was 18! I ended up taking her to San Francisco for her high school graduation instead of allowing her to go on senior week.

No matter what you say, or how you say it, he will feel he got a bum wrap. Life is unfair and tough and at 17.5 he has no clue just how tough and unfair.

Joy

[bnoble Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close bnoble]

Nope. And, I would explain to him why---teenagers do dumb things, particularly when they are together and without adult supervision. Even "good kids" do dumb things. I know, because I was a "good kid". I did at least a half-dozen things that, by rights, should have gotten me killed, jailed, or both. But for the grace of God...

Yes, in just six months he'll be at college. And yes, he'll have plenty of chances to do dumb things then. That doesn't mean he should get "bonus chances" at dumb things.

And, I wouldn't care if "everyone else said it was okay." We have three household rules:

1: Life is not fair.
2: You have the meanest parents in the world.
3: You are not the center of the Universe.

It turns out some combination of these three Rules addresses every childhood complaint so far. When my kids push back on Rule 2, I just tell them to "Pick better parents next time."

[Glitter Brunello Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close Glitter Brunello]

I vote No. Not without at least one responsible adult with them.

FWIW they may find that they can't check-in anywhere! A lot of properties have a strictly enforced minimum age of anywhere between 20 and 25 particularly during spring break.

You may want to research that angle to soften the blow.

Fake IDs are rampant... in fact I accidentally discovered one just the other day...

[lawren2 Malibu Beach Barbie & A Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close lawren2]

Fake IDs are rampant... in fact I accidentally discovered one just the other day...

I'm just not ready for this.....

[bnoble Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close bnoble]

As an aside, my answer would still apply even if he were 18. Yes, he'd technically be "of age", but as long as my kids live rent-free in my house, they'll play by my rules. If they want to exercise their new-found majority, they are welcome to get jobs, rent apartments, and learn to cook.

[joycapecod Silver Contributor Find all posts View Profile Close joycapecod]

As an aside, my answer would still apply even if he were 18. Yes, he'd technically be "of age", but as long as my kids live rent-free in my house, they'll play by my rules. If they want to exercise their new-found majority, they are welcome to get jobs, rent apartments, and learn to cook.

and don't for learn how to clean the bathroom and do laundry.....

[dougp26364 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close dougp26364]

Until the kids were 18, the answer was always a firm NO. After they were 18, since they could pretty much do anything they wanted without my permission, except for drinking, I allowed them to do what they wanted. Of course I always reminded them that they were then responsible for their own actions. If they got into trouble, they'd need to get themselves out of whatever they got into. If they needed the name of a bailbondsman I'd look up a phone number for them but they'd have to come up with the money. Essentially, I tried to let them know they were working without a safety net.

Yes they did some not so bright things. I believe we all do. But they also learned that actions have consequences and mistakes haven't been repeated very often.

But, at age 17 1/2, he's still YOUR resonsibility. Any damages he does, even if it's an accident, and it's you they'll come looking for. Perhaps your son is resonsible but, how about all the kids that are going? All it takes is the least resonsible kid to get the entire group in trouble or talk someone into doing something they wouldn't ordinarily do.

There's nothing wrong with being the ONLY parent to have good common sense and, since he's under 18, you can enforce that good common sense. Remember, even with good people bad things can happen. This is the PERFECT situation for bad things to happen.

[Glitter Brunello Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close Glitter Brunello]

I don't think I'll feel any different when he's 18, which mine will be by the time of the trip. It's still my money he'll need to pay for it, and my house he'll be living in when the time comes. I'll bet he tries to find a way to pay for it himself. Then I'm in for it...

[Bill4728 Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close Bill4728]

My DS, had several of his buddies go with him to Whistler BC for spring break (all 19-21) BUT we also went and had a second unit. YET They still did $600 of damage!!

Tell him NO!!

[Ann-Marie Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Ann-Marie]

All 3 of my children were allowed to take a Timeshare trip for spring break when they were Seniors. However, when they were seniors in college. No way before that!