Opinions please -- 17 year old DS wants to spring break alone

[davhu1 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close davhu1]

Another vote for NO.

Lots can go wrong and you do not want to regret later. Kids somehow finds a way to rent and buy alcohol even they are under 21. Son may not be happy be he will get over it. My college son asked for a week to go skiing with his friend and I said no. If he ask when is over 21 and last year of college, maybe I say ok.

May be you should show this thread to your son so that he can see how many "worst parents" agree with you.

[buff Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close buff]

Don't get caught up with the age. People do stupid things at all ages.

If you trust your kid and you know the other kids I would do it

Im a good parent, ontop of my game with my kids.

You will be nervous but after its over you will have a better relationship

[grest Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close grest]

Nope, absolutely not...I would be willing to be the only uncool parent in the school, and my answer would still be no. College comes soon enough...

Connie

[Kay H Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Kay H]

I (thankfully) raised 3 sons to adulthood. When I didn't allow them to do something that I didn't want them to do as teenager or younger, I always got the "I'm the only one who can't" whatever. I never called any other parents because I didn't care what other parents we doing. If I didn't allow it, that was enough for me.

Teenage years are hard enough (also for parents) without outside influences. Thank goodness those years are behind me.

[PHILL12 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close PHILL12]

Right out of the gate, I freaked out and said "no" But, here's the situation. My son is 17 1/2 and one of the youngest seniors in his class. His friends have already turned 18. A group of them want to go away for spring break. I haven't verified this -- but he says I'm the only one to say no -- other parents are okay with it (which I find hard to believe). The scariest part of it for me is that they want to drive. My husband said he and all his friends did it as seniors in high school. But, I'm not telling my son that! I'm wondering what other parents think of this? Oh -- and I just found out -- of all places -- they want to go to Daytona Beach!

Thoughts please?


Debi

Debi, our daughter and four girl friends went to Hawaii for their trip but was flying.

Husband is right about the trip and most teens are growing up and hopefully the parents taught them right.


PHILL12

[mas Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close mas]

Until the kids were 18, the answer was always a firm NO. ...But, at age 17 1/2, he's still YOUR resonsibility. Any damages he does, even if it's an accident, and it's you they'll come looking for. Perhaps your son is resonsible but, how about all the kids that are going? All it takes is the least resonsible kid to get the entire group in trouble or talk someone into doing something they wouldn't ordinarily do.

There's nothing wrong with being the ONLY parent to have good common sense and, since he's under 18, you can enforce that good common sense. Remember, even with good people bad things can happen. This is the PERFECT situation for bad things to happen.

Having not had kids, I'm hardly an expert in this area, however, I totally agree with dougp's response.

[1950bing Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 1950bing]

Quick answer, NO !
He is young and will have plenty of time to go to the beach.
Kids will get into trouble when away from home and know that mom and dad are not around.

[Keitht Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close Keitht]

If he ask when is over 21 and last year of college, maybe I say ok.

This is the sort of comment that I referred to in my original post. Let me repeat that I'm from Over the Pond and do appreciate that there are differences, but I don't understand (a) why an adult i.e. over 21 would ask permission of their parents and (b) why the parents of a person over 21 would feel they have the right to veto what that individual plans to do.
So they're still at college, but does that really give the parent the right to rule their existence??
I'm not getting at davhu1 or anybody else. It is a genuine question as such treatment of a 21 year old, even at college / university, would be considered very 'unusual' over here.

[davhu1 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close davhu1]

This is the sort of comment that I referred to in my original post. Let me repeat that I'm from Over the Pond and do appreciate that there are differences, but I don't understand (a) why an adult i.e. over 21 would ask permission of their parents and (b) why the parents of a person over 21 would feel they have the right to veto what that individual plans to do.
So they're still at college, but does that really give the parent the right to rule their existence??
I'm not getting at davhu1 or anybody else. It is a genuine question as such treatment of a 21 year old, even at college / university, would be considered very 'unusual' over here.

Because many of the timeshares require 21 year old to check in, even at some of my resorts.
Freshman year he went to a competition in California with schoolmates and could not check in the hotel until one of the team members over 21 arrived at a later flight to check all of them in.

Regardless, if my kids lives under my roof and spending my money its my rule. They can always move out and be independent.

[Barbeque Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Barbeque]

Boy times have changed at 17 years of age I had to work and worked through spring break. I believe they should not have that much freedom yet.
Family Vacation, Boy scout trips, school functions or trips with other families that we know only. And I make the rules as long as our son lives in our home and is supported by us. If he is away at college and messes up to much the money is the control. I can do what I want at 18 is a weak argument as long as I have the checkbook. Our son is almost 15 and when it comes time to drive he will be able to use one of our vehicles but he must continue to do what is right to have the privilege. WE WILL NOT GIVE HIM A CAR. I can and will take the keys back if needed. Until he pays for his own I will have the say. He is a real good young man but he knows we do not tolerate poor behavior.

I would not give my son the easy ability to fail in this case. Young people may encourage each other to drink have drinking games Girls gone wild, Trash hotel rooms etc. It is a lot easier to do when you don't have to show up at home at night. If they got in trouble and got arrested it could affect his ability to go on to the school he wants to go to for college.

In our household if he wants to make the rules he can pay the bills. My wife is probably tougher than I am
ALL of his.

[bnoble Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close bnoble]

So they're still at college, but does that really give the parent the right to rule their existence??

Depends on who is paying the bills.

You can't "forbid" an 18-year old from doing something like this. You can tell them that, if they do, they can pay for their own tuition next term.

But, in general, most college students in the states have the sort of independence-of-parental-control you are talking about.

[Jya-Ning Silver Contributor Find all posts View Profile Close Jya-Ning]

This is the sort of comment that I referred to in my original post. Let me repeat that I'm from Over the Pond and do appreciate that there are differences, but I don't understand (a) why an adult i.e. over 21 would ask permission of their parents.

You can claim anyone in student as dependent in your tax. Does it gives you right to rule their life, no. But if they care to ask, I think you have to make a good sound decision. And if they ask because you should pay, it is your money, so you definitely has a say.

A lot of my college friends are from different city, so they are out of home anyway. I would believe if my kids goes to an outstate college, and the dorm is not a restrict one, by then, they should be very good knowing what they can and can not do. Or already make some stupid trouble(s).

I did go out after graduated my high school with other friends, but we goes to places where there were a few family friends there. Each one will be different. I don't think age is important. The group that travel out with is important. And the willing of you to take the potential financial trouble is important. The local has reported that some college students from high income family went to beach and trash the whole house, and the parent just can not paying it. I will not let my kids go places along that can potential ruin my financial

Jya-Ning

[pcgirl54 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close pcgirl54]

In the states and I can't speak about across the pond but dependent students (under 24)cannot entirely fund most colleges on their own without a parent cosigning some type of private education loan. Private colleges here cost so much that it is not possible due to an 18-22 year old having low income and no credit history. So although legally adults at 18 most students still need to rely on mom or dad to fund college even though Mom or Dad have no legal right to know what their grades are or if they attend class.

I think due to this parents may feel entitled to have a say during the college years when lots of schools cost upwards of 30-50k a year because they foot part or all of the tuition bill.

Then there are the "helicopter parents" who hover and never let the child make any decisions on their own even calling an employer to land a job for their adult child.

Most parents like the OP just want to keep their child from making a severe error in judgement that can impact the rest of their lives.

[Anne1125 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Anne1125]

I found my children had the worst judgement at 18. This seems to be when they got in trouble. They just don't have the maturity or life experience to make good decisions.

My youngest is 20 and I see a real difference in his judgement. He had some bumps in the road but I feel confident in him now.

Just say NO to this request. You'll never forgive yourself if you give the OK and it goes bad.

I'm so glad the US drinking age is 21. Now if we can get rid of fake ID's......

Good luck,
Anne

[mikey0531 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close mikey0531]

Thanks again everyone. I love to hear everyone else's perspective. The issue of the trip has never come up again since he and I first had our "discussion" LOL I don't know if the other parents said no or what. I'm not even going to ask.

As for me -- I will stand firm on my initial position -- which will be "NO" -- I just would be too worried -- not only about his conduct -- but that we cannot control all the other spring breakers that will be around him. Too much alcohol along with way too many young people!