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Somebody asked Tiger for a recommendation on how to play the back side of Heather Glen. Tiger replied that he couldn't say because he hadn't been introduced to her yet.
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“Maybe you shouldn't dress like that.”
“This is a blouse and skirt. I don't know what you're talking about.”
“You shouldn't wear that body.” -
Rumor has it the fight started when he asked his wife at Thanksgiving dinner if he could have another piece of white meat.Comment
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How William Blake might comment:
The Tiger
TIGER, tiger, burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could have seen this one coming?
In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the wife's hand dare seize the 4 iron?
And what shoulder and what art
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand and what Porn Star feet?
What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? What dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?
When the stars threw down their spears,
And water'd heaven with their tears,
Did He smile His work to see?
Did She who called 911 smack Thee?
Tiger, tiger, burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare send texts to such a group of skanks?“Maybe you shouldn't dress like that.”
“This is a blouse and skirt. I don't know what you're talking about.”
“You shouldn't wear that body.”Comment
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Originally posted by tonyg
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So now Ashley Dupre (remember her - Eliot Spitzer went down because of her, or maybe it was the other way around...) is being sought out as the expert when it comes to Tiger and his mistresses. Tiger's debacle has even landed her an advice column in the New York Post - she's been doing the NY talk show circuit this week --
Was there something in my Koolaid?!
This piece from The Gothamist has a few classic lines:
Ashley Dupre Makes Rounds As Post's New Advice Columnist - GothamistComment
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I'm not sure that "because of" is the correct preposition in this sentence.Originally posted by Glitter Brunello View Post
“Maybe you shouldn't dress like that.”
“This is a blouse and skirt. I don't know what you're talking about.”
“You shouldn't wear that body.”Comment
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It was an intended indirect pun - or at least unintended initially, but I went with itOriginally posted by T. R. Oglodyte View PostI'm not sure that "because of" is the correct preposition in this sentence.
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It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have
turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the
children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early
dismissal.
Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can
leave early today."
Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart
and will answer the question."
Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the
questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would
keep their mouths shut!"
The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"Comment
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Apparently Tiger couldn't keep him mind off golf even when he was with one of his women. He always wanted to finish the last hole under 69.“Maybe you shouldn't dress like that.”
“This is a blouse and skirt. I don't know what you're talking about.”
“You shouldn't wear that body.”Comment
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Tiger Woods Holiday Poem
Not mine, but I thought it was well done.
Tiger Woods Holiday Poem
Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house
Tiger Woods came a flyin', chased by his spouse.
She wielded a nine iron and wasn't too merry,
Cause a bimbo’s phone number was in his Blackberry.
He’d been cheatin' on Elin, and the story progressed.
Woman after woman stepped up and confessed.
He’d been cheatin’ with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,
With Joselyn, and Kalika. The world had the story.
From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues,
Tiger’s sad sordid tale was all over the news.
With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex,
When not in their pants, he was sendin' them texts.
Despite all his cryin’ and beggin' and pleadin',
Tiger’s wife went investin' -- a new home in Sweden.
And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade,
"If you’re gettin' laid then I’m gettin' paid."
She’s not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly good cheer,
Her prenup made Christmas come early this year.Comment
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Officials have identified 11 mistresses. They are looking for a 12th so they can put out a calendar.Comment
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The Frog and Golf
A man goes out golfing.
He is on the second hole when
He notices a frog sitting next to
The green.
He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.
Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."
He looks at the frog and decides to
Prove the frog wrong, puts the club
Away, and grabs a 9 iron.
Boom!
He hits it 10 inches from the cup.
He is shocked. He says to the frog,
"Wow that's amazing.
You must be a lucky frog, he?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."
The man decides to take the frog with
Him to the next hole.
"What do you think frog?" the man asks.
"Ribbit 3 wood."
The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom!
Hole in one.
The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say.
By the end of the day, the man golfed
The best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas."
" They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?"
The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette."
Upon approaching the roulette table,
The man asks, "What do you think I
Should bet?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6."
Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck.
Boom!
Tons of cash comes sliding back across
The table.
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel.
He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you
You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."
The frog replies,
"Ribbit Kiss Me."
He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it.
With a kiss, the frog turns into a
Gorgeous girl.
"And that
is how the girl ended up in
My room Elin. So help me God or my name is not Tiger Woods."Comment
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At least Tiger kept up his scoring average - 69Comment
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