Tweet
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
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What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
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What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag
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Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
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What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
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Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
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What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
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What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
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What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs
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What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
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What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife
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Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
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Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
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What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
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Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
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Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
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What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
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What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
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Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
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Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
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Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blonde baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong"
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What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment
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What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
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How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
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What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time .." -
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**t....
Juan on Juan
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blonde baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time .." -
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**t....
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