Upgrading to Wife 1.0

[T. R. Oglodyte Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close T. R. Oglodyte]

Upgrading to Wife 1.0

Last year a friend of mine upgraded from Girlfriend 4.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving few system resources for other applications. He is also now noticing the Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child-processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomenon was included in the product documentation, though other users have informed me that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself so that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. Some applications such as PokerNite 10.3 , Bachelor Party 2.5, and Pubnite 7.0 are no longer able to run on the system at all, causing the system to lockup when launched (even though the apps worked fine before).

Wife 1.0 provides no installation options. Thus, the installation of undesired plug-ins such as Mother-in-law 55.8 and the Brother-in-law Beta is unavoidable. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

Some features my friend would like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0:

* A "don't remind me again" button.
* Minimize button.
* Ability to delete the "headache" file
* An install feature that provides an option to uninstall 2.0 version without loss loss of other system resources.
* An option to run the network driver in "promiscuous mode" allowing the the system's Hardware Probe feature to be much more useful/effective.

I myself wish I had decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 3.0. Even here, however, I have found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 4.0 on top of girlfriend 3.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 3.0 first, otherwise the two versions of Girlfriend will have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. Other users have told me that this is a long-standing problem that I should have been aware of. Guess that explains what happened to versions 1 and 2.

To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 3.0 doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another identified problem is that all versions of Girlfriend have annoying little messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0!

VIRUS ALERT

All users should be aware that Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Once that happens, Mistress 1.1 won't install and you will get an "insufficient resources" error message. To avoid the aforementioned bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and "never" run any file transfer applications(such as Laplink) between the two systems.

FYI: Don't even think about a shared directory!!!!!!!!!

[T. R. Oglodyte Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close T. R. Oglodyte]

Wife 1.0 Tech Support

Question To Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Boys Night Out 10.3, Poker night 10.3, Golf 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I also can't seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but uninstall does not work on this program. Can you help me?

Response:
This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 1.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 1.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program from the system once installed. You can not go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than original system. Look in your manual under Warnings - Alimony/Child Support.

I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume ALL responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause.

The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE as soon as lock-up occurs. In any case, avoid excessive use of the ESC key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program but is of very high maintenance.

Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operation system.

[T. R. Oglodyte Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close T. R. Oglodyte]

Male Friend Needs Technical Support

Can you please advise me. I'm having some problems. I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 all along as my primary application, and all the girlfriend releases have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if you run GirlFriend in background mode with the sound turned off. But I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them separately, and it works okay.

GirlFriend also seems to have a problem coexisting with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing incompatibility.

I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance with GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said that I probably didn't have enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and that eventually it would require a Token ring to run properly. He was right --- as soon as I purged my cache, it uninstalled itself. Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it gave me a virus. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a while.

I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was still in my system! Then I tried to run GirlFriend 1.0 again with GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature that I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of girlfriend and communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions!

The version I have right now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in some obscure language that I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly, I think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts. And I've never liked how GirlFriend is totally "object-oriented".

A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0. So he did. But soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a "huge resource hog". It has taken up all of his space, so he can't load anything else. One of the primary reasons that he upgraded to Wife 1.0 is that it came bundled with FreeSexPlus 1.0. Well, it turns out that the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything. Although -he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw 1.0 which has an automatic pop-up feature that he can't turn off. I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said that he heard if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself, Then Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway due to insufficient resources. Can you help??

[T. R. Oglodyte Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close T. R. Oglodyte]

Upgrading to Husband 1.0

Upgrading to Husband 1.0

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

Desperate


Dear Desperate,

Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Try to enter the command: C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0.

But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" wave files.

DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0 and Lingerie 5.3. Also, running Nagging 5.3 too often can sometimes cause Husband 1.0 to secretly install Mistress 1.0, which would then require you to run Private Investigator 7.5 utility and possibly even Attorney 9.0, which could lead to a system wide failure and the need to reboot Husband 1.0!

Everybody clear on this now?

[tonyg Goomba & Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close tonyg]

Ah, but you forgot the highly desireable mute button- tho it is a remote possibility. I've found it an unneeded option with wife 4.0.

[T. R. Oglodyte Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close T. R. Oglodyte]

System Administrator's Log - Uninstalling Wife 1.0

June 6
Well, I've had it. Wife 1.0 worked so poorly I had to run the uninstaller. Unfortunately, the uninstaller requires all of the cache, and a utility called DivorceLawyer 6.0. The uninstall was far from clean, leaving bits and pieces scattered all over the place. The main drawback is that even though I've uninstalled Wife 1.0, it STILL requires system resources. I've sworn off the category altogether.

January 12
Yesterday, I installed GoldenRetriever 1.0 and PickupTruck 98. I'm looking at the entire PowerTools suite. DrinkingBuddies 1.0 seems to be finally working again, but it can't run over a network with other copies of Wife 1.0, or any version of GirlFriend, on the network.

February 3
I can't believe how well GoldenRetriever 1.0 works! It needs minimal resources, yet it's always there and willing to help with any task I'm doing (a friend has Cat 3.6 and hates it; it came with Wife 1.0, another of those useless add-ons like MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta). The only disadvantage is that GoldenRetriever 1.0 needs to run occasionally on the FrigginColdNight OS.

April 9
Man, I miss the HotFood and the Lingerie modules. On a whim, I tried typing C:/HEY BABY YOURE HOT into a machine in the local library, but it turned out to be a dumb terminal. Not having much luck outside of my own system.

May 22
Just installed GirlFriend 5.0. Now how does this work again?

[mshatty Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close mshatty]

Steve,

You are really good! :worthless:

[Guest Close Quarterbore]

I hear that running some software like "Girlfriend 4.0 or higher" can cause the replacement of "Wife 1.0" with this new "ExWife 1.0" application and that "ExWife 1.0" can be a very nasty program to get into your system...

[bigfrank Administrator Find all posts View Profile Close bigfrank]

They say that with the new version of Girlfriend 4.1 you get a demo copy of Lawyer 1.1 in case wife 1.0 finds girlfriend 4.0.

[Carol C Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Carol C]

Don't look now but Wife 1.0 and Girlfriend 4.1 are both installed together and functioning together perfectly...if you know what I mean!

[bigfrank Administrator Find all posts View Profile Close bigfrank]

Don't look now but Wife 1.0 and Girlfriend 4.1 are both installed together and functioning together perfectly...if you know what I mean!

Husband 1.3 comes with want to watch wife 1.0 and girlfriend 4.1

[T. R. Oglodyte Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close T. R. Oglodyte]

I hear that some users in rural Utah have a workaround that enables them to simultaenously run multiple Wife applications, even using the same operating system and platform.

[T. R. Oglodyte Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close T. R. Oglodyte]

I hear that running some software like "Girlfriend 4.0 or higher" can cause the replacement of "Wife 1.0" with this new "ExWife 1.0" application and that "ExWife 1.0" can be a very nasty program to get into your system...

I also understand that ExWife is almost impossible to delete. Even after you remove all evidence of it from the registry, it will still popup at unexpected times and places.

If any child processes were spawned by Wife before ExWife was installed, ExWife can never be removed. Even if you think you've eliminated it, it will reinstall itself.

[Ryne08 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Ryne08]

I just e-mail this thread to 10 of my best friends spouses. Did I say x friends?

[taffy19 Gold Contributor Find all posts View Profile Close taffy19]

I love the imagination of some of the OPs (writers) of these posts.