Hurricane Humor

[Carol C Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Carol C]

A good friend in Mazatlan emailed this to me today. It's good to laugh just to keep from crying sometimes...so keep this handy in your hurricane emergency kit, "just in case".

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Well, folks, hurricane season's upon us, so here are a few new drink recipes to keep handy. Note the ingredients, and follow the instructions closely. Enjoy!


MANDATORY EVACUATION

1 1/2 oz. Absolute Ruby Red vodka

1/2 oz. vermouth

Clamato

Prune juice

Combine vodka and vermouth in cocktail glass. Fill remainder of glass with equal parts Clamato and prune juice. Stir. Drink. Ask next-door neighbor whose tree blew over and crashed onto your roof - even though you'd warned him for months to uproot it - if you can use his bathroom. Repeat.

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CATEGORY 5

1/2 oz. vodka

1/2 oz. tequila

1/2 oz. rum

1/2 oz. bourbon

1/2 oz. gin

Sweet-and-sour mix

Splash of fruit juice

Combine vodka, tequila, rum, bourbon and gin in a tall glass. Fill remainder of glass with sweet-and-sour mix and splash of juice. Stir, then garnish with an inverted drink umbrella. Drink during peak storm hours, and vow not to believe anyone who tries to tell you the hurricane that flooded your garage and destroyed your shed was just a Category 1.

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CONE OF PROBABILITY

1 oz. cinnamon schnapps

1 sugar cone

Pour the schnapps into the sugar cone. Every time you hear a TV weatherman say, "cone of probability," bite off the end of the cone and down the shot.

If you hear Jim Cantore say it, drink two shots consecutively. (they should change this to the "Cantore Zone"... damn him. Have you ever noticed that, despite all the cone of probability talk, if Cantore is parked in front of your house your ass is toast?)

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FEEDER BAND

2 oz. Midori

2 oz. rum

1 scoop

vanilla ice cream

After your home loses power, combine Midori and rum in a cocktail glass. Add a scoop of the vanilla ice cream that is melting in your freezer. Stir and drink through a straw.

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BEACH EROSION

1 1/2 oz. Goldschläger

1 1/2 oz. apple brandy

1 pack Sugar in the Raw

Combine Goldschläger, apple brandy and sugar in cocktail glass. As you drink, seriously contemplate moving your Yankee ass back to New Jersey where it belongs.

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DOWNED POWER LINE

1 1/2 oz. rum

5 oz. Jolt Cola

Combine ingredients in a cocktail glass. Drink while trying to figure out how the heck you're supposed to go two whole weeks without television and AC.

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FLOOD ZONE

2 oz. Kahlúa

2 oz. Baileys Irish cream

4 oz. rum

Serve in a 6-ounce glass and laugh-cry deliriously as the mess spills all over the countertop.

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COLD SHOWER

2 oz. Blue Aftershock

4 oz. Sprite

Combine in a cocktail glass with crushed ice you received after waiting in line for three hours at a mall parking lot. Take a deep breath, sip and scream like a little girl when the cold beverage hits your tongue. Repeat.

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LOOTERS WILL BE SHOT

1 oz. Jack Daniel's

Splash of sarsaparilla

Rock salt

Load both barrels of a shotgun with rock salt. Climb to the roof of your house with gun, bottle of Jack Daniel's and can of sarsaparilla. Fill shot glass with Jack and splash of sarsaparilla. Watch for looters. When you spot one, blast his ass with rock salt. Drink shot. Repeat.

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THE CHAIN SAW

1 oz. Goldschläger

1 oz. Rumplemintz

3 oz. Jim Beam

Splash of vermouth

Combine Goldschläger, Rumplemintz and Jim Beam in an empty soup can. Add splash of vermouth. Drink. Remove chain saw from garage and attempt to cut up fallen tree limbs in yard. Ask neighbor to drive you to hospital when it all goes horribly wrong.

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FOUR-WAY STOP

1 1/2 oz. vodka

1 1/2 oz. vodka and Midori

1 1/2 oz. vodka and Galliano

1 1/2 oz. vodka and grenadine

Pour each ingredient into a separate shot glass. Serve one to yourself and the rest to three other people. The person with the clear shot of vodka drinks first.

The person to his right drinks the Midori shot, and so on. If somebody drinks out of order, develop a quick case of road rage and beat the living crap out of him.

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BLUE TARP

1 1/2 oz. Curacao

2 oz. pineapple juice

Splash of lime

Combine ingredients in a leaky paper cup and serve. Wait six to eight months for someone to repair the cup. If you're impatient, hire an unlicensed, out-of-state contractor to do the job for an exorbitant sum and pray he doesn't hurt himself in the process.

[The Conch Man Past Goumba President & BigFrank's Cigar Buddy! Find all posts View Profile Close The Conch Man]

Thanks Carol ~~ I'll do that & your right ~~ its very funny ~~

[vinolover Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close vinolover]

Friends of ours decided to follow their dream and moved to Cozumel this year. They couldn't take the booze in their liquor cabinet into Mexico from the U.S. so we were the beneficiaries. I'm sure they've restocked by now. I'll have to send this to them!