Post a Joke.

[T. R. Oglodyte Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close T. R. Oglodyte]

A husband is sittling on the deck with his wife and they are enjoying a glass of wine.

Wife -"I love you"

Husband - "Is that you talking or the wine?"

Wife "It's me talking .... to the wine"

[T. R. Oglodyte Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close T. R. Oglodyte]

A priest, a rabbi, and a duck walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

[T. R. Oglodyte Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close T. R. Oglodyte]

An elderly couple is attending Mass. About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?'


He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'

[T. R. Oglodyte Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close T. R. Oglodyte]

A Scotsman, an Irishman, and Englishman meet up at a pub on the lower East Side.

"As good as this is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth.

"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "at my local pub in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.

The Irishman swore every word was true.

"Did this actually happen to you?" they asked.

"No not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."

[bigfrank Administrator Find all posts View Profile Close bigfrank]

I do not trust people with Graph paper. They are always plotting Something.

[T. R. Oglodyte Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close T. R. Oglodyte]

A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping compartment on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and soon fell asleep, him in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

Around 1am the man leaned down and gently and woke the woman, saying "I'm sorry to bother you, but would you reach into the cupboard and pass me another blanket as I'm cold".

"I have a better idea" she replied "just for tonight, let's pretend we are married".

"Wow! That's a great idea" he exclaimed.

"Good" she replied "get your own f***ing blanket".

After a moment of silence..... he laid back..... and farted.

[susieq Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close susieq]

[bigfrank Administrator Find all posts View Profile Close bigfrank]

A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping compartment on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and soon fell asleep, him in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

Around 1am the man leaned down and gently and woke the woman, saying "I'm sorry to bother you, but would you reach into the cupboard and pass me another blanket as I'm cold".

"I have a better idea" she replied "just for tonight, let's pretend we are married".

"Wow! That's a great idea" he exclaimed.

"Good" she replied "get your own f***ing blanket".

After a moment of silence..... he laid back..... and farted.

I and the wife loved it

[Thirsty Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Thirsty]

[T. R. Oglodyte Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close T. R. Oglodyte]

[decided to remove. I knew I had seen it before.]

[dcwojo Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close dcwojo]

[T. R. Oglodyte Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close T. R. Oglodyte]

A patrolman was making his evening rounds in this small town. As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car.

He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car. Were they trying to steal it?

“Heavens no, we bought it,” replied one lady.

“Then why don’t you drive it away?”

“We can’t drive.”

“Then why did you buy it?”

“We were told that if we bought a used car here, we’d get screwed… we’re just waiting.”

[bigfrank Administrator Find all posts View Profile Close bigfrank]

“We were told that if we bought a used car here, we’d get screwed… we’re just waiting.”

OMG I nearly died laughing

[bigfrank Administrator Find all posts View Profile Close bigfrank]

I no longer get jokes in my email. It seens the email joke craze is over, I also no longer get those muddy pictures either.
If you got a good joke please share it.

[tonyg Goomba & Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close tonyg]

Sent you one I just got - reluctant to post it here.