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WHY ATHLETES CAN'T HAVE REGULAR JOBS...
1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a
role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to
look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."
2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about
the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or
1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say:
"I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,
"Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run
over Joe's Mom, too."
4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his
coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets
us wear earrings."
5. Football commentator and former player Joe
Theismann, 1996: "Nobody in football should be called
a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
6. Senior basketball player at the University of
Pittsburgh : "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter
how long it takes." (now that is beautiful)
7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You
guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys
pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a
circle."
8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to
prison: "Why would anyone expect him to come out
smarter? He went to prison for three years, not
Princeton ."
9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing,
explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above
his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my
name, I can still find my clothes."
10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan
training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a
guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning,
regardless of what time it is."
11. Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball
player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he
appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a
baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or
an aunt." (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room
temperature in January)
12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former
player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it
ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach,I don't know and
I don't care.'"
13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M,
recounting what he told a player who received four F's
and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too
much time on one subject."
14. Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips
when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all
the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is
too damn ugly to kiss good-bye."
1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a
role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to
look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."
2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about
the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or
1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say:
"I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,
"Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run
over Joe's Mom, too."
4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his
coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets
us wear earrings."
5. Football commentator and former player Joe
Theismann, 1996: "Nobody in football should be called
a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
6. Senior basketball player at the University of
Pittsburgh : "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter
how long it takes." (now that is beautiful)
7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You
guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys
pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a
circle."
8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to
prison: "Why would anyone expect him to come out
smarter? He went to prison for three years, not
Princeton ."
9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing,
explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above
his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my
name, I can still find my clothes."
10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan
training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a
guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning,
regardless of what time it is."
11. Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball
player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he
appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a
baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or
an aunt." (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room
temperature in January)
12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former
player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it
ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach,I don't know and
I don't care.'"
13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M,
recounting what he told a player who received four F's
and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too
much time on one subject."
14. Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips
when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all
the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is
too damn ugly to kiss good-bye."
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