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FOR THOSE WHO ENJOY LANGUAGE (OR SEVERE DISTORTIONS THEREOF)
· Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
· A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
· Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
· Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
· Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
· It was a white wedding; they painted the shotgun.
· A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
· A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
· Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. (Yeah. I guess
for either cheeks…)
· Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? (No, but I’m salivating…)
· Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
· Said the Newfie to his wife on returning home from buying a
home: “Ye can stop takin’ the pill, dearie… I’ve bought a
condominium…”
· Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
· When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. (And when they face each
other in a stare-down, it’s I-strain.)
· A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
· What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)
· Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
· In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes. (In
Florida, no one’s sure what counts…)
· He was engaged to a girlfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
(Got tired of singing “Peg ‘O my heart…”)
· A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
· If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
· With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
· Marriage is like a midnight phone call. First you get the ring and then
you wake up.
· When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
· The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
· The butcher who backed into his meat-grinder got a little behind in his
orders…
· The woman who backed into the airplane propeller… DISASTER!
· You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
· Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
· Every calendar's days are numbered.
· A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
· A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
· And a Frenchman has only one for breakfast because for him, one egg
is un oeuf…
· He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
· A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at
large.
· Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
· Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.
· Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
· Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
· Acupuncture is a jab well done.
· Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
· A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
· Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
· Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
· Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
· It was a white wedding; they painted the shotgun.
· A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
· A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
· Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. (Yeah. I guess
for either cheeks…)
· Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? (No, but I’m salivating…)
· Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
· Said the Newfie to his wife on returning home from buying a
home: “Ye can stop takin’ the pill, dearie… I’ve bought a
condominium…”
· Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
· When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. (And when they face each
other in a stare-down, it’s I-strain.)
· A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
· What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)
· Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
· In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes. (In
Florida, no one’s sure what counts…)
· He was engaged to a girlfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
(Got tired of singing “Peg ‘O my heart…”)
· A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
· If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
· With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
· Marriage is like a midnight phone call. First you get the ring and then
you wake up.
· When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
· The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
· The butcher who backed into his meat-grinder got a little behind in his
orders…
· The woman who backed into the airplane propeller… DISASTER!
· You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
· Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
· Every calendar's days are numbered.
· A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
· A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
· And a Frenchman has only one for breakfast because for him, one egg
is un oeuf…
· He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
· A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at
large.
· Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
· Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.
· Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
· Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
· Acupuncture is a jab well done.
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