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A Visit to Walmart--Joke
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house.
Mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or
whatever. You are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You
have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts with the
hole in crotch, old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an
old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great home
improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get
something to help complete the job. Depending on your age you might do
the following.
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair,
brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in
the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you
never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the
checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the
register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes.
You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands
and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a
shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl
running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school
with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover
the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a
hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so
you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check
yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy
young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel
weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands
onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in
your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to
wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie
running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you
still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from your
buddy's bait shop and it says, "I Got Worms".
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose off the dog
crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your
50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in
your pants. The girl running the register may be cute but you don't
have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your
prescriptions ready too. Don't' even notice the dog crap on your
shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you
remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you
remember that you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander
around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud
and you think someone called out your name. The old lady that greeted
you at the front door went to school with you.
In your 90's:
Stop what you are doing.
Mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or
whatever. You are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You
have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts with the
hole in crotch, old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an
old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great home
improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get
something to help complete the job. Depending on your age you might do
the following.
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair,
brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in
the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you
never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the
checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the
register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes.
You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands
and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a
shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl
running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school
with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover
the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a
hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so
you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check
yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy
young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel
weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands
onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in
your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to
wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie
running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you
still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from your
buddy's bait shop and it says, "I Got Worms".
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose off the dog
crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your
50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in
your pants. The girl running the register may be cute but you don't
have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your
prescriptions ready too. Don't' even notice the dog crap on your
shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you
remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you
remember that you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander
around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud
and you think someone called out your name. The old lady that greeted
you at the front door went to school with you.
In your 90's:
Stop what you are doing.
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