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LESSON IN PAYING CLOSE ATTENTION:
First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet school were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In Vet Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the ani mal body. For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."
"Life's tough, it's even tougher if you're stupid."
> THE NEW SUPERMARKET NEAR MY HOUSE HAS AN AUTOMATIC WATER
>MISTER TO KEEP THE PRODUCE FRESH. JUST BEFORE IT GOES ON, YOU HEAR THE
>SOUND OF DISTANT THUNDER AND THE SMELL OF FRESH RAIN.
>
> WHEN YOU APPROACH THE MILK CASES, YOU HEAR COWS MOOING AND WITNESS THE
>SCENT OF FRESH HAY.
> WHEN YOU APPROACH THE EGG CASE, YOU HEAR HENS CLUCK AND CACKLE AND THE
>AIR IS FILLED WITH THE PLEASING ARMOA OF BACON AND EGGS FRYING.
> THE VEGGIE DEPARMENT FEATURES THE SMELL OF FRESH BUTTERED CORN.
> I DON'T BUY TOILET PAPER THERE ANY MORE.
Subject: moral
An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey &
the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it
was a shame the old man was walking & the boy was riding.
The man & boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that
little boy walk."
They then decided they both would walk! Soon they passed some more people who
thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So,
they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a
load on a poor donkey.
The boy & man said they were probably right, so they decide to carry the
donkey. As they crossed the b ridge, they lost their grip on the animal & he
fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story?
If you try to please everyone, you might as well...
Kiss your ass goodbye!
A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.
She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers.
As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
“Are you the manager?” she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
“Actually, no,” he replied.
“Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,” she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
“I’m afraid I can’t,” breathed the bartender.. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Yes. I need for you to give him a message,” she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender’s lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
“What should I tell him?” the bartender managed to say.
“Tell him,” she whispered, “There’s no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.
First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet school were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In Vet Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the ani mal body. For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."
"Life's tough, it's even tougher if you're stupid."
> THE NEW SUPERMARKET NEAR MY HOUSE HAS AN AUTOMATIC WATER
>MISTER TO KEEP THE PRODUCE FRESH. JUST BEFORE IT GOES ON, YOU HEAR THE
>SOUND OF DISTANT THUNDER AND THE SMELL OF FRESH RAIN.
>
> WHEN YOU APPROACH THE MILK CASES, YOU HEAR COWS MOOING AND WITNESS THE
>SCENT OF FRESH HAY.
> WHEN YOU APPROACH THE EGG CASE, YOU HEAR HENS CLUCK AND CACKLE AND THE
>AIR IS FILLED WITH THE PLEASING ARMOA OF BACON AND EGGS FRYING.
> THE VEGGIE DEPARMENT FEATURES THE SMELL OF FRESH BUTTERED CORN.
> I DON'T BUY TOILET PAPER THERE ANY MORE.
Subject: moral
An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey &
the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it
was a shame the old man was walking & the boy was riding.
The man & boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that
little boy walk."
They then decided they both would walk! Soon they passed some more people who
thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So,
they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a
load on a poor donkey.
The boy & man said they were probably right, so they decide to carry the
donkey. As they crossed the b ridge, they lost their grip on the animal & he
fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story?
If you try to please everyone, you might as well...
Kiss your ass goodbye!
A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.
She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers.
As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
“Are you the manager?” she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
“Actually, no,” he replied.
“Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,” she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
“I’m afraid I can’t,” breathed the bartender.. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Yes. I need for you to give him a message,” she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender’s lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
“What should I tell him?” the bartender managed to say.
“Tell him,” she whispered, “There’s no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.