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1. Hot Dog !!
Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their dogs. The mother superior is first to open hers.
She begins to blush and, then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
2. 4 Nuns
Four nun's got in a car accident and died. Of course, they went up to
heaven and St. Peter was waiting for them at the gate.
"Ladies, please confess your sins so that you may pass through the
gates," says St. Peter. Well, naturally, the first nun walks up and
says," "St. Peter, I must confess I once saw a man's penis!"
Don't worry, says St. Peter, go wash your eyes in that holy water and
your sin will be forgiven.
The second nun comes up and says, "I must confess I once touched a
man's penis!"
Ohhh, says St. Peter, that is truly a sin, but go and was your hands
in the holy water and your sins will be forgiven...
...meanwhile, in the backround the THIRD and FOURTH nuns are
going at it, yelling and cursing at each other. "What is the problem,
that you should make so much noise at the gates of heaven?" asks St.
Peter.
"Well," says the FOURTH nun, "there is NO WAY I am going to gargle
with that holy water after HER ass has been in it!!!"
3. Goddam fish
One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge fish for supper. A man was
walking by and said "Wow what a goddamn fish!" The sister said "Sir
you shouldn't talk to me like that: I'm a nun," and the man said "But
that's the name of it: a goddamn fish".
So the sister took the fish back to the rectory and said "Mother superior, look at the goddamn fish I caught." The mother superior said "Sister, you shouldn't talk like that!" and the sister said "But mother superior, that's the name
of it: a goddamn fish." So the mother superior said "Well give me the
goddamn fish and I'll clean it." While she was cleaning the fish the
monsignor walked in and she said "Monsignor look at the goddamn fish
that the sister caught." The monsignor said "Mother superior you
shouldn't talk like that!" and the mother superior said "But that's
the name of it: a goddamn fish." So the monsignor said "Well give me
the goddamn fish and I'll cook it."
That evening at supper there was a new priest at the table, and he said "Wow what a nice fish". And the sister said "I caught the goddamn fish." And mother superior said "I cleaned the goddamn fish." And the monsignor said "I cooked the goddamn fish." And the new priest said: "I like this fucking place
already!"
Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their dogs. The mother superior is first to open hers.
She begins to blush and, then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
2. 4 Nuns
Four nun's got in a car accident and died. Of course, they went up to
heaven and St. Peter was waiting for them at the gate.
"Ladies, please confess your sins so that you may pass through the
gates," says St. Peter. Well, naturally, the first nun walks up and
says," "St. Peter, I must confess I once saw a man's penis!"
Don't worry, says St. Peter, go wash your eyes in that holy water and
your sin will be forgiven.
The second nun comes up and says, "I must confess I once touched a
man's penis!"
Ohhh, says St. Peter, that is truly a sin, but go and was your hands
in the holy water and your sins will be forgiven...
...meanwhile, in the backround the THIRD and FOURTH nuns are
going at it, yelling and cursing at each other. "What is the problem,
that you should make so much noise at the gates of heaven?" asks St.
Peter.
"Well," says the FOURTH nun, "there is NO WAY I am going to gargle
with that holy water after HER ass has been in it!!!"
3. Goddam fish
One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge fish for supper. A man was
walking by and said "Wow what a goddamn fish!" The sister said "Sir
you shouldn't talk to me like that: I'm a nun," and the man said "But
that's the name of it: a goddamn fish".
So the sister took the fish back to the rectory and said "Mother superior, look at the goddamn fish I caught." The mother superior said "Sister, you shouldn't talk like that!" and the sister said "But mother superior, that's the name
of it: a goddamn fish." So the mother superior said "Well give me the
goddamn fish and I'll clean it." While she was cleaning the fish the
monsignor walked in and she said "Monsignor look at the goddamn fish
that the sister caught." The monsignor said "Mother superior you
shouldn't talk like that!" and the mother superior said "But that's
the name of it: a goddamn fish." So the monsignor said "Well give me
the goddamn fish and I'll cook it."
That evening at supper there was a new priest at the table, and he said "Wow what a nice fish". And the sister said "I caught the goddamn fish." And mother superior said "I cleaned the goddamn fish." And the monsignor said "I cooked the goddamn fish." And the new priest said: "I like this fucking place
already!"
Give me a place with 4 S's: Sun, sand, surf, & suds-Dale (from Illinois)
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