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Dear Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and then went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You don't tell me that you love me anymore, you don't want sex, or anything that connects us as a couple. Either you're cheating on me or your don't love me anymore.
Whatever the case, I'm gone.
Signed,
Your ex-husband.
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together. Have a great life. ================================================== ==
Dear Ex-Husband:
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I did notice when you got a haircut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was that you looked just like a girl. Since my Mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my sister, because I stopped eating pork several years ago. About those new silk boxers .... I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
But even after all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So, when I hit the lottery for $10 million, I quit my job and bought us two tickets for Jamaica. But when I got home, you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. By the way, my lawyer says that the letter you wrote ensures that you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed,
Your ex-wife, rich and free as hell
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and then went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You don't tell me that you love me anymore, you don't want sex, or anything that connects us as a couple. Either you're cheating on me or your don't love me anymore.
Whatever the case, I'm gone.
Signed,
Your ex-husband.
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together. Have a great life. ================================================== ==
Dear Ex-Husband:
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I did notice when you got a haircut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was that you looked just like a girl. Since my Mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my sister, because I stopped eating pork several years ago. About those new silk boxers .... I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
But even after all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So, when I hit the lottery for $10 million, I quit my job and bought us two tickets for Jamaica. But when I got home, you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. By the way, my lawyer says that the letter you wrote ensures that you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed,
Your ex-wife, rich and free as hell
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.