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Did you hear about the Energizer Rabbit?
They found out that he was bi-polar.
There was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
So a dung beetle walks into a bar, and pulls up a stool.........
A friend of mine just started this new spice diet where all you eat is spices. He ran out of a certain one and had to ask his neighbor for more. Now he lives on borrowed Thyme.
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A biologist is going to do research in Alaska studying Grizzly bears.
His friend, a Philosopher has no summer research and the Biologist has
no students. The Biologist asks his Philosopher friend to be his
assistant for the field work in Alaska. The Philosopher accepts and they
go off to Alaska to study bears.
One day, in the field, they are following a grizzly who is having
trouble getting fish and is clearly quite hungry. Suddenly, the bear
spots the two researchers and takes off after them. Instinctively, they
run. As they are running the biologist tells his Philosopher friend "You
do know this is futile, you cannot out run a bear".
The Philosopher turns, in full stride, to his friend and states "You do
realize that I do not have to out run the bear, I merely have to be able
to out run YOU!".
___________________
Did you hear about the guy who lost the entire left side of his body in a freak accident? He's alright now.
A patient told his doctor he was full of remorse and guilt ridden because he had sex with his 3rd cousin. The MD said, "If it makes you feel that bad, maybe you should quit counting."
What's an algorithm?
The theme music for "An Inconvenient Truth."
Did hear about the guy who comitted suicide by drinking a can of varnish. It was a terrible ending but a very nice finish.
Bumpersticker: Joan of Arc is alive and medium well
Did you hear about the ravishing beauty at the optometrist's office?
She looked really good but she couldn't see very well.
Did you hear about the insomniac who was hauled off to the police station for resisting arrest?
My local hospital was offering free prostate exams. My second time through the line, the nurse said, "Hey, I've seen that a**hole before!"
I heard on the news Palestinians were laying down their arms. I called my broker and invested in sleeveless shirts.
Finally........
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
They found out that he was bi-polar.
There was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
So a dung beetle walks into a bar, and pulls up a stool.........
A friend of mine just started this new spice diet where all you eat is spices. He ran out of a certain one and had to ask his neighbor for more. Now he lives on borrowed Thyme.
_______________
A biologist is going to do research in Alaska studying Grizzly bears.
His friend, a Philosopher has no summer research and the Biologist has
no students. The Biologist asks his Philosopher friend to be his
assistant for the field work in Alaska. The Philosopher accepts and they
go off to Alaska to study bears.
One day, in the field, they are following a grizzly who is having
trouble getting fish and is clearly quite hungry. Suddenly, the bear
spots the two researchers and takes off after them. Instinctively, they
run. As they are running the biologist tells his Philosopher friend "You
do know this is futile, you cannot out run a bear".
The Philosopher turns, in full stride, to his friend and states "You do
realize that I do not have to out run the bear, I merely have to be able
to out run YOU!".
___________________
Did you hear about the guy who lost the entire left side of his body in a freak accident? He's alright now.
A patient told his doctor he was full of remorse and guilt ridden because he had sex with his 3rd cousin. The MD said, "If it makes you feel that bad, maybe you should quit counting."
What's an algorithm?
The theme music for "An Inconvenient Truth."
Did hear about the guy who comitted suicide by drinking a can of varnish. It was a terrible ending but a very nice finish.
Bumpersticker: Joan of Arc is alive and medium well
Did you hear about the ravishing beauty at the optometrist's office?
She looked really good but she couldn't see very well.
Did you hear about the insomniac who was hauled off to the police station for resisting arrest?
My local hospital was offering free prostate exams. My second time through the line, the nurse said, "Hey, I've seen that a**hole before!"
I heard on the news Palestinians were laying down their arms. I called my broker and invested in sleeveless shirts.
Finally........
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
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