UPS Airlines

[Beaglemom3 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Beaglemom3]

UPS Airlines



Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

(P: = Pilot Complaints)



(S: = Maintenance Solutions)



P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.



P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.



P: Something loose in cockpit

S: Something tightened in cockpit



P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.



P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.



P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.



P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.



P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.



P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.



P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search



P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighen up, fly right and be serious.



P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.



P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.



And the best one for last

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

[dawg Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close dawg]

I like those responses

[T. R. Oglodyte Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close T. R. Oglodyte]

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

I've never taken it as a given that people with college degrees are smarter than those who never went to college after HS.

Personally, if given a choice between flying in a plane that's been serviced by a HS grad who spent two years at a community college getting an aircraft maintenance certificate versus flying in a plant that's been serviced by a college grad who spent four years learning to conjugate verbs, I'll select the aircraft worked on by the person without the college degree.

[bigfrank Administrator Find all posts View Profile Close bigfrank]

I heard these years ago and laughed then and am still laughing.

[Beaglemom3 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Beaglemom3]

Hence my post---- the reassurance part was that high school grads fix the plane, not college "trained".
Some of the smartest people I know never went to college and some of the least smartest (is that grammatically correct?) have degrees as long as your arm.
It's as in nursing, some of the best nurses, bedside nurses, do not have advanced degrees whereas the nurse administrators have MHA/MSN/MS and could not tell which way an IV bag should be hanged. Frightening.

There's no experience like experience.

This joke spells out who has the common sense.

[Spence Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close Spence]

Hence my post---- the reassurance part was that high school grads fix the plane, not college "trained".
Some of the smartest people I know never went to college and some of the least smartest (is that grammatically correct?) have degrees as long as your arm.
It's as in nursing, some of the best nurses, bedside nurses, do not have advanced degrees whereas the nurse administrators have MHA/MSN/MS and could not tell which way an IV bag should be hanged. Frightening.

There's no experience like experience.

This joke spells out who has the common sense.

or hung!

[Beaglemom3 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Beaglemom3]

or hung!

I was trying not to say that !!!

[tonyg Goomba & Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close tonyg]

My stepson and his wife flew to Cancun once on UPS. Of course I asked them if the got a box lunch.

[Spence Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close Spence]

My stepson and his wife flew to Cancun once on UPS. Of course I asked them if the got a box lunch.

I was at Ocho Cascadas earlier this year and another guest was a UPS pilot, said that the roll on roll off passenger kits for their planes for use on the weekends would not interchange between same model airframes and that scheduling became too hard.

[jericap Super Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close jericap]

Those were quite amusing!!