Tweet
Sam, was a Colon Cleanse salesperson. But his zeal for cleansing had exhausted all traces of goodwill with his contacts, friends, and acquaintances. They were so sick of him and his Colon Cleanse messages and proselytizing that Sam knew it was best that he get away and start over.
At first Sam couldn't decide where he should relocate because he knew that no matter where he went people would be tired of hearing about Colon Cleanse. Finally it came to him - the place for him was the middle of the Amazon rain forest, where the indigenous people had no phones, no computers, no television, and thus had never heard of the wonders of Colon Cleanse.
So Sam packed up his clothes, his marketing materials, and his samples and moved to a remote village in the depths of the Amazon that seldom had any contact with outsiders. To Sam's amazement, though, he found that some of the people in the village spoke a bit of English. So Sam went right to work, touting the benefits of Colon Cleanse to anyone who would listen (and quite a few who didn’t).
After three days, the villagers had enough. One of the village elders who spoke English told Sam to come with him; they were going to take a little walk in the jungle. Suspecting that the villagers were fed up with him and knowing the villagers’ main source of business with the outside world was sales of shrunken heads, Sam was fearful of what was going to happen. But knowing he didn't have any choice, Sam reluctantly accompanied the man.
They journeyed deep into the jungle, across rivers and through mosquito infested swamps. Further and further they went, away from all traces of civilization. Sam's fear started growing deeper with each step.
Finally they reached a place in the jungle that was overgrown with the largest lushest ferns Sam had ever seen. Behind the ferns was the entrance to a cave The elder looked around in the ferns near the entrance to the cave and found a large vessel that had been stashed in the vines near cave entrance. The elder led Sam into the cave and ordered Sam to fill the vessel with water from a pond in the floor of the case. Then the elder broke off some of the fern leaves and told Sam to eat them.
The ferns tasted vile and foul; it was all Sam could do to keep them in his mouth. But he chewed and swallowed anyway. A few moments after swallowing the fern leaves Sam felt as if all of the fluids were being drawn out of his body. He grabbed the vessel and drank and drank and drank. He would never have thought it humanly possible to drink as much water as he drank.
Suddenly Sam felt as if his abdomen was about to explode. He stumbled to the front of the cave, dropped his pants right there in the ferns, and squatted. And squatted. And squatted. His intestines gushed, poured, drained, guzzled, and gurgled. It continued for almost an hour, non-stop.
When the agony was over, Sam collapsed onto his side. While his insides ached, Sam suddenly realized that his entire body had been purged of all traces of all toxins that had accumulated in his body throughout the many years he had lived in "civilization". He had never really felt purer or healthier in his life than he did at that moment.
Sam rolled over and looked at the ferns hanging over the front of the cave. Suddenly he realized that with fronds like these, who needs enemas?
At first Sam couldn't decide where he should relocate because he knew that no matter where he went people would be tired of hearing about Colon Cleanse. Finally it came to him - the place for him was the middle of the Amazon rain forest, where the indigenous people had no phones, no computers, no television, and thus had never heard of the wonders of Colon Cleanse.
So Sam packed up his clothes, his marketing materials, and his samples and moved to a remote village in the depths of the Amazon that seldom had any contact with outsiders. To Sam's amazement, though, he found that some of the people in the village spoke a bit of English. So Sam went right to work, touting the benefits of Colon Cleanse to anyone who would listen (and quite a few who didn’t).
After three days, the villagers had enough. One of the village elders who spoke English told Sam to come with him; they were going to take a little walk in the jungle. Suspecting that the villagers were fed up with him and knowing the villagers’ main source of business with the outside world was sales of shrunken heads, Sam was fearful of what was going to happen. But knowing he didn't have any choice, Sam reluctantly accompanied the man.
They journeyed deep into the jungle, across rivers and through mosquito infested swamps. Further and further they went, away from all traces of civilization. Sam's fear started growing deeper with each step.
Finally they reached a place in the jungle that was overgrown with the largest lushest ferns Sam had ever seen. Behind the ferns was the entrance to a cave The elder looked around in the ferns near the entrance to the cave and found a large vessel that had been stashed in the vines near cave entrance. The elder led Sam into the cave and ordered Sam to fill the vessel with water from a pond in the floor of the case. Then the elder broke off some of the fern leaves and told Sam to eat them.
The ferns tasted vile and foul; it was all Sam could do to keep them in his mouth. But he chewed and swallowed anyway. A few moments after swallowing the fern leaves Sam felt as if all of the fluids were being drawn out of his body. He grabbed the vessel and drank and drank and drank. He would never have thought it humanly possible to drink as much water as he drank.
Suddenly Sam felt as if his abdomen was about to explode. He stumbled to the front of the cave, dropped his pants right there in the ferns, and squatted. And squatted. And squatted. His intestines gushed, poured, drained, guzzled, and gurgled. It continued for almost an hour, non-stop.
When the agony was over, Sam collapsed onto his side. While his insides ached, Sam suddenly realized that his entire body had been purged of all traces of all toxins that had accumulated in his body throughout the many years he had lived in "civilization". He had never really felt purer or healthier in his life than he did at that moment.
Sam rolled over and looked at the ferns hanging over the front of the cave. Suddenly he realized that with fronds like these, who needs enemas?
Comment