Tweet
Blonde in the bayou
A young blonde woman was driving through Southern Louisiana while on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!"
The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, "Well little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?"
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
Later ! in the d ay, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand. As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the Blonde takes aim, shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up.
The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its back.
Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration, "CRAP! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!"
__________________________________________________ _
Subject: SENILITY
I guess the prayer says it all...
Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.
Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, ''Mabel,
do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?'
Mabel answered, 'I have a suppository in my ear?' She pulled it out and
stared at it.
Then she said, 'Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know
where to find my hearing aid.'
__________________________________________________ _
An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were
standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up
and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't
find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the
promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It
read: 'Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom
of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was
an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . please advise.'
The old man faxed back: 'Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.'
__________________________________________________ _
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out
when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket . They hear
a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually
alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies.
Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pallbearers
are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the
door, the husband cries out, 'Watch that wall!'
__________________________________________________ _
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park
bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said, 'I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me
every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh
fruit and freshly ground coffee.'
I said, 'Well, then why are you crying?'
She said, 'He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite
brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon..
I said, 'Well, why are you crying?'
She said, 'For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my
favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m.'
I said, 'Well, why in the world would you be crying?'
She said, 'I can't remember where I live!'
_________________________________! ________ __________
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years
they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play
cards.
One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
'Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long
time......but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and
thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.'
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared
and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'
__________________________________________________ ________
Seniors on a Little Road Trip
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch.
After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip.
When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table and she didn't
miss them until they had been driving about twenty minutes.
By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could
find a place to turn around in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and
complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive.
The more he chided her -- the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car
and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her.
“While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card!”
A young blonde woman was driving through Southern Louisiana while on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!"
The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, "Well little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?"
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
Later ! in the d ay, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand. As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the Blonde takes aim, shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up.
The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its back.
Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration, "CRAP! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!"
__________________________________________________ _
Subject: SENILITY
I guess the prayer says it all...
Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.
Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, ''Mabel,
do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?'
Mabel answered, 'I have a suppository in my ear?' She pulled it out and
stared at it.
Then she said, 'Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know
where to find my hearing aid.'
__________________________________________________ _
An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were
standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up
and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't
find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the
promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It
read: 'Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom
of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was
an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . please advise.'
The old man faxed back: 'Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.'
__________________________________________________ _
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out
when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket . They hear
a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually
alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies.
Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pallbearers
are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the
door, the husband cries out, 'Watch that wall!'
__________________________________________________ _
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park
bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said, 'I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me
every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh
fruit and freshly ground coffee.'
I said, 'Well, then why are you crying?'
She said, 'He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite
brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon..
I said, 'Well, why are you crying?'
She said, 'For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my
favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m.'
I said, 'Well, why in the world would you be crying?'
She said, 'I can't remember where I live!'
_________________________________! ________ __________
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years
they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play
cards.
One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
'Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long
time......but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and
thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.'
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared
and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'
__________________________________________________ ________
Seniors on a Little Road Trip
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch.
After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip.
When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table and she didn't
miss them until they had been driving about twenty minutes.
By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could
find a place to turn around in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and
complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive.
The more he chided her -- the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car
and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her.
“While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card!”
