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...your first question upon waking up from surgery was "Did we win?"
...you haven't been to a baseball game without wearing a Sox jersey since you were 4 years old, and you live in LA.
...you show up four hours early to a Red Sox game hoping for a tour of Fenway, and are ecstatic about taking a picture of Big Papi's car and seeing Pedroia work out in the weight room.
...you refused to let your two-day-old daughter leave the hospital wearing anything but the Red Sox onesie two sizes too big for her.
...after checking the spring training schedule with your cat Fenway, you find out the Red Sox will be playing the Devils Rays when you are on vacation in St. Pete, and you wake up your wife (who is a Mets fan) at 5:30 am on Saturday because you can't control your excitement.
...you wear shorts from Opening Day until the Sox stop playing for the season because it's still summer as long as the Red Sox are still playing.
...you missed a college exam to fly from Tennessee to Boston to catch game 2 of the '05 season-ending series and end up being on a plane for both wins and two rows from the scoreboard in the outfield for the loss, but who cares - the Sox made the playoffs!!!
...you are stationed in the Middle East and the first thing you ask your wife on your one phone call every two weeks are the scores from the games you missed.
...you own the New York state vanity license plate REDSOX04.
...you drain your in-ground pool, paint a Red Sox logo in it, fill it back up, cover it, and sell your house to a Yankee fan.
...you live in Texas, and name your cat "Youk", even though it's a female.
...you slept outside City of Palms Park in March to see if you could get standing room tickets to a sold-out spring training game.
...your little league career was adversely affected because you wanted to hit and field like Fred Lynn, of which you could do none.
...at a church wedding packed with Yankee fans you go to the front of the church to lead the Prayers of the Faithful, and your first petition is "Heavenly Father, let the Red Sox win the World Series this year", and make all the Yankee fans respond "Lord, hear our prayer", and the Sox won the '04 World Series two months later!
...you thought is was cool that you were at A-Rod's first ever major league game until he got traded to the Yankees, and now you realize the best thing about that game was John Valentin's unassisted triple play, and you happily refer to A-Rod's struggles with the Yankees as "The Curse of John Valentin".
...you pick Kevin Youkilis as your first pick in a fantasy baseball league.
...you work the night shift as a nurse (in "Flahridda"), have to work the night of Game 4 of the World Series, can't get anyone to switch nights with you, so you wear your Red Sox shirt under your scrubs, refuse to look at a TV or listen to the radio, avoid answering any cell phone calls, and have your husband tape the game so you can watch it in the morning after you finish a twelve hour shift.
...depsite living in London you stay up every night until 3 am for East Coast games and 6 am for West Coast games.
...you cried when Nick Esasky came down with vertigo and retired.
...you've been kicked out of the Cask 'n Flagon for getting into a fight with another patron over Mark Bellhorn's strikeouts vs. on-base percentage.
...you pick the history of the Red Sox every year your English teacher assigns you a term paper.
...when people ask where you are from, you say "Red Sox Nation".
...you wore your Manny jersey to school every day of the ALCS even though they were down 3 games, and insisted that they were going to come back and win it because you could feel it in your blood.
...you were raised in Alaska, chose the BoSox as YOUR team in third grade, applied to Boston University just to be close to Fenway, converted your Braves fan wife, and instantly decorated the guest room in your first house in a Red Sox theme. (For the record, it looks AWESOME!)
...you see Jimmy Fallon's apartment in the movie Fever Pitch and point out... I have that... I have that... Man, they could have filmed this in my house!
...you've worn thigh-high red socks, shorts, and a Red Sox T-shirt and hat to work on casual day.
...you sat in the bleachers in Yankee Stadium when Clemens went for his 300th win with a sign that said, "Go Sox - Deny 300".
...you refuse to call your long-time friend Jarrod by his nickname (J-Rod) because every time you hear it, you cringe.
...you have two fish named Jacoby and Jason
...you were so upset (as an 8-year-old) when Yaz retires that you take a photo of the TV during his last at bat, and still have the photo today.
...you got engaged in the Green Monster seats at Fenway and were put on the big screen, and turned to show your Varitek jersey rather than the ring to the camera crew.
...your 2-year-old nephew can say Nomar Garciparra in a Boston accent... and you both live in California.
...the ONLY reason you got DirecTV was to get NESN.
...you convince your children that the word "Yankees" is a swear word and should never be uttered.
...when you're having a bad day, you play "Sweet Caroline" as loud as you possibly can and sing along even louder, imagining yourself in Fenway with your arms around the shoulders of fellow fans, and it never fails to cheer you up.
...you've skipped Easter dinner at your own house to sleep outside Fenway to get Opening Day tickets in the pouring rain.
...you stay up till 2:00 am making a model of Fenway for a school science project.
...you walked all around downtown Toronto for FIVE hours while (unsuccessfully) attempting to find the hotel that the Sox were staying at.
...you are given an F on an English essay because it's the third time in a row you have compared whatever book you were reading in class to the Red Sox. Somehow your English teacher doesn't see the obvious connection between Romeo and Juliet, The Catcher in the Rye, and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest to Red Sox history.
...you wear a Yankees shirt to school on "Tacky Shirt Day".
...in first grade art class you had to make paper bag puppets, and every day you made a different Red Sox player. Your art teacher would yell at you to make something different, "You made that yesterday, make something else today!" And your response was, "Yesterday I made Jody Reed, today I'm making Dwight Evans"... and you still to this day have the entire '88 Sox team in the form of paper bag puppets.
...you can find on a cadaver exactly which tendon Lowell injured during the 2008 season.
...you wrote your Senior year business thesis for college on the Boston Red Sox and what they need to do in order to survive, and win the World Series.
...you show up at a Red Sox game four hours before the start, just for the chance that you might get to see Big Papi drive by you.
...you can recite, word for word, complete with Ken Coleman's radio sound bites, the entire "Impossible Dream" record of the 1967 BoSox season. ("And then, one August night, the kid in right lies sprawling in the dirt. The fastball struck him square. He's down. Is Tony badly hurt?")
...while on vacation in February in the Bahamas, you asked an old man at a hotel bar to remove his Yankees hat because it was bothering you. (His reply: "You must be a Sox fan.")
...you refused to take off your Red Sox hat, even though you were at your friend's work event in a Yankee Stadium box with Joe Pepitone. (The Sox won 9-3.)
...your parents have to fight you tooth and nail to peel the Jason Varitek t-shirt off your body to wash it 'cause you haven't taken it off since the postseason started.
...in your freshman year of college you are known as "Red Sox Matt" and give a speech on The Curse in a history class.
...when you're at Mass you ask the priest to say a prayer for the Red Sox, and he does with a straight face.
...you write a term paper for a class at a New York college, arguing that there is a curse and that the Yankees are devils.
...you rent the video of the 1986 World Series, thinking that you can actually change history, and then cry when the game is over.
...you travel from Indiana to Fenway for the Ted Williams tribute. (Who needs a game to get to Fenway??)
...you still have the first Red Sox hat you ever owned, which you refuse you wash because that would take away the good luck.
...you honestly think YOUR superstitious actions will turn around a game that the Red Sox are losing.
...you fed your children microwave popcorn for dinner because the game was on and you could not possibly leave the living room for more than 60 seconds.
...you got caught skipping school on Opening Day - Mom was watching the game on TV!
...you kick people out of and ban them from your dorm room once you find out they're Yankee fans, or even just from New Jersey.
...you have "Dedicated Red Sox fan" on your resume.
...you're stuck 2000 miles away from Boston and have no TV, so you call your dad during the Sox game and ask him to hold up the telephone to the TV so you can hear what's going on.
...you tap your toes and adjust your wrist watch several times before sitting down to the dinner plate.
...the first word you learned to spell (as a 3-year-old) was Yastrzemski.
...you think the most satisfying moment of the 2001 season was seeing Everett break up Mussina's perfect game.
...you went to a game between the Phillies and D-Backs with a sign that said, "Am I the only Red Sox fan here?"
...your kids' school drawings systematically disappear from the fridge to make room for Red Sox ticket stubs and Fenway magnets.
...you don't attend Easter dinner with your inlaws because you have Sox tickets, and your mother-in-law is irate and calls your Mom, and your Mom backs you up and says they are playing the Yankees, you don't understand.
...you did your physics report on Ted Williams' Science of Hitting, and your Spanish class biography on Manny Ramirez. You live in NY, and were proud to recite them in front of a class full of Yankee fans.
...your 16-month-old daughter runs to get your Sox hat whenever she sees baseball on TV, because she knows you need it!
...you've figured out the Sox "magic number", and it's the first week of June. (107)
...you can still name the entire roster of the 1967 "Impossible Dream" team.
...your wiffle ball field has a Green Monster.
...you schedule your 2nd week of vacation for late October because "This is the year." Oh, and it was March when you scheduled it.
...your 4-year-old son can not only say Nomar Garciaparra, but can also spell it!
...you make everyone on your floor of your BU dorm be quiet during Sox games because you can hear the roar of the crowd during home runs if it's quiet enough.
...you and your Dad were crying on opposites ends of the phone, 450 miles apart, after the ball went between Buckner's legs...
...you have stayed up all night to construct a fool-proof argument as to why Ted Williams should have won the MVP in '41 instead of Joe DiMaggio.
...you are still keeping Sam Horn's rookie card because it might be worth something someday.
...you get fired after refusing to wait on an old lady wearing a Yankees hat.
...the first thing you ask a new co-worker from Connecticut is "Are you a Sox fan?" and when you find out he likes the Yankees you tell him he should move to New York where he belongs.
...you taped the Spring Training report when Nomar spoke from 6 different channels even though it was basically the same thing on all the channels.
...you wore a Dwight Evans jersey to a double header at Yankee Stadium when you were 14 (and your mother was with you and insisted you keep your jacket on).
...the first word you ever learned how to read was the capitalized BOSTON in the AL East standings when you were 4.
...you go to school in NY, but still wear your Red Sox shirts to school proudly (and try to avoid getting stuffed in a locker).
...you used to play hooky from school to sit on the billboard across the street from Fenway. No left field view, but I saw my boys every opening day.
...you choose all Red Sox for your fantasy team.
...you've umped a little league game between the Red Sox and Yankees and told the Red Sox coach that he would win before the first pitch was thrown.
...you bought a red Jeep and pasted it with Red Sox stickers to drive to every game.
...you keep a "Wally the Beanbag Buddy" in your suit pocket for luck when there's a day game and you're at work and can't watch.
...you do like Nomar's parents did, spelling the father's name backwards. My son will be Mada.
...you live in NYY territory, and went to school with everything Red Sox (including your socks) after the Sox swept the Yanks in 3 at NY!!! It was a good thing I was the biggest kid in the class!
...You're at a friend's house and he decides "Hey, let's go to a game next month! John, you wouldn't happen to know the number to order tickets off the top of your head, would you?" and you reply "Sure, it's 1-617-482-4769. Then you have to press 1, then enter your 10 digit phone number, then 1 again, then your 5 digit zip, then 1 again, then your credit card number (followed by the pound sign), then your 2 digit expiration month, then your 2 digit expiration year, then 1 again, then enter 1 for selecting a game by date, then the 2 digit month, then the 2 digit year."
...you turn the TV off and then back on to break the bad-luck jinx during a game.
...you've refused to listen to "We Are the Champions" by Queen for the past 3 years and you won't until the Sox win the World Series.
...you instructed your children to spread your ashes into the outfield at Fenway Park when you die.
...it is established that you are the only Red Sox fan in the state of Nebraska.
...you woke up your parents to tell them the Sox got Manny!
...you've ever been kicked out of class for getting in an argument with your teacher about how much better Pedro is than Roger while refusing to remove your Red Sox cap... in a school where caps aren't allowed.
...you bring a radio with you when you go golfing and drive slowly so the hum of the engine of the cart doesn't drown out the game.
...you sit on your couch for 4 hours pressing re-dial when the phone lines are busy for Opening Day tickets.
...you were in the stands for a Sox-Yankees game instead of attending your graduation ceremonies at UMass.
...for your college thesis, you wrote about Ted Williams's book on hitting.
...you can't even watch films about prisons because of all the damn pinstripes!
...you define the word "hate" by the way you feel about the Yankees.
"Baseball isn't a life-and-death matter, but the Red Sox are." - Mike Barnicle, Boston Globe, 1977. (read less)
You might be a diehard if...
...your first question upon waking up from surgery was "Did we win?"
...you haven't been to a baseball game without wearing a Sox jersey since you were 4 years old, and you live in LA.
...you haven't been to a baseball game without wearing a Sox jersey since you were 4 years old, and you live in LA.
...you show up four hours early to a Red Sox game hoping for a tour of Fenway, and are ecstatic about taking a picture of Big Papi's car and seeing Pedroia work out in the weight room.
...you refused to let your two-day-old daughter leave the hospital wearing anything but the Red Sox onesie two sizes too big for her.
...after checking the spring training schedule with your cat Fenway, you find out the Red Sox will be playing the Devils Rays when you are on vacation in St. Pete, and you wake up your wife (who is a Mets fan) at 5:30 am on Saturday because you can't control your excitement.
...you wear shorts from Opening Day until the Sox stop playing for the season because it's still summer as long as the Red Sox are still playing.
...you missed a college exam to fly from Tennessee to Boston to catch game 2 of the '05 season-ending series and end up being on a plane for both wins and two rows from the scoreboard in the outfield for the loss, but who cares - the Sox made the playoffs!!!
...you are stationed in the Middle East and the first thing you ask your wife on your one phone call every two weeks are the scores from the games you missed.
...you own the New York state vanity license plate REDSOX04.
...you drain your in-ground pool, paint a Red Sox logo in it, fill it back up, cover it, and sell your house to a Yankee fan.
...you live in Texas, and name your cat "Youk", even though it's a female.
...you slept outside City of Palms Park in March to see if you could get standing room tickets to a sold-out spring training game.
...your little league career was adversely affected because you wanted to hit and field like Fred Lynn, of which you could do none.
...at a church wedding packed with Yankee fans you go to the front of the church to lead the Prayers of the Faithful, and your first petition is "Heavenly Father, let the Red Sox win the World Series this year", and make all the Yankee fans respond "Lord, hear our prayer", and the Sox won the '04 World Series two months later!
...you thought is was cool that you were at A-Rod's first ever major league game until he got traded to the Yankees, and now you realize the best thing about that game was John Valentin's unassisted triple play, and you happily refer to A-Rod's struggles with the Yankees as "The Curse of John Valentin".
...you pick Kevin Youkilis as your first pick in a fantasy baseball league.
...you work the night shift as a nurse (in "Flahridda"), have to work the night of Game 4 of the World Series, can't get anyone to switch nights with you, so you wear your Red Sox shirt under your scrubs, refuse to look at a TV or listen to the radio, avoid answering any cell phone calls, and have your husband tape the game so you can watch it in the morning after you finish a twelve hour shift.
...depsite living in London you stay up every night until 3 am for East Coast games and 6 am for West Coast games.
...you cried when Nick Esasky came down with vertigo and retired.
...you've been kicked out of the Cask 'n Flagon for getting into a fight with another patron over Mark Bellhorn's strikeouts vs. on-base percentage.
...you pick the history of the Red Sox every year your English teacher assigns you a term paper.
...when people ask where you are from, you say "Red Sox Nation".
...you wore your Manny jersey to school every day of the ALCS even though they were down 3 games, and insisted that they were going to come back and win it because you could feel it in your blood.
...you were raised in Alaska, chose the BoSox as YOUR team in third grade, applied to Boston University just to be close to Fenway, converted your Braves fan wife, and instantly decorated the guest room in your first house in a Red Sox theme. (For the record, it looks AWESOME!)
...you see Jimmy Fallon's apartment in the movie Fever Pitch and point out... I have that... I have that... Man, they could have filmed this in my house!
...you've worn thigh-high red socks, shorts, and a Red Sox T-shirt and hat to work on casual day.
...you sat in the bleachers in Yankee Stadium when Clemens went for his 300th win with a sign that said, "Go Sox - Deny 300".
...you refuse to call your long-time friend Jarrod by his nickname (J-Rod) because every time you hear it, you cringe.
...you have two fish named Jacoby and Jason
...you were so upset (as an 8-year-old) when Yaz retires that you take a photo of the TV during his last at bat, and still have the photo today.
...you got engaged in the Green Monster seats at Fenway and were put on the big screen, and turned to show your Varitek jersey rather than the ring to the camera crew.
...your 2-year-old nephew can say Nomar Garciparra in a Boston accent... and you both live in California.
...the ONLY reason you got DirecTV was to get NESN.
...you convince your children that the word "Yankees" is a swear word and should never be uttered.
...when you're having a bad day, you play "Sweet Caroline" as loud as you possibly can and sing along even louder, imagining yourself in Fenway with your arms around the shoulders of fellow fans, and it never fails to cheer you up.
...you've skipped Easter dinner at your own house to sleep outside Fenway to get Opening Day tickets in the pouring rain.
...you stay up till 2:00 am making a model of Fenway for a school science project.
...you walked all around downtown Toronto for FIVE hours while (unsuccessfully) attempting to find the hotel that the Sox were staying at.
...you are given an F on an English essay because it's the third time in a row you have compared whatever book you were reading in class to the Red Sox. Somehow your English teacher doesn't see the obvious connection between Romeo and Juliet, The Catcher in the Rye, and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest to Red Sox history.
...you wear a Yankees shirt to school on "Tacky Shirt Day".
...in first grade art class you had to make paper bag puppets, and every day you made a different Red Sox player. Your art teacher would yell at you to make something different, "You made that yesterday, make something else today!" And your response was, "Yesterday I made Jody Reed, today I'm making Dwight Evans"... and you still to this day have the entire '88 Sox team in the form of paper bag puppets.
...you can find on a cadaver exactly which tendon Lowell injured during the 2008 season.
...you wrote your Senior year business thesis for college on the Boston Red Sox and what they need to do in order to survive, and win the World Series.
...you show up at a Red Sox game four hours before the start, just for the chance that you might get to see Big Papi drive by you.
...you can recite, word for word, complete with Ken Coleman's radio sound bites, the entire "Impossible Dream" record of the 1967 BoSox season. ("And then, one August night, the kid in right lies sprawling in the dirt. The fastball struck him square. He's down. Is Tony badly hurt?")
...while on vacation in February in the Bahamas, you asked an old man at a hotel bar to remove his Yankees hat because it was bothering you. (His reply: "You must be a Sox fan.")
...you refused to take off your Red Sox hat, even though you were at your friend's work event in a Yankee Stadium box with Joe Pepitone. (The Sox won 9-3.)
...your parents have to fight you tooth and nail to peel the Jason Varitek t-shirt off your body to wash it 'cause you haven't taken it off since the postseason started.
...in your freshman year of college you are known as "Red Sox Matt" and give a speech on The Curse in a history class.
...when you're at Mass you ask the priest to say a prayer for the Red Sox, and he does with a straight face.
...you write a term paper for a class at a New York college, arguing that there is a curse and that the Yankees are devils.
...you rent the video of the 1986 World Series, thinking that you can actually change history, and then cry when the game is over.
...you travel from Indiana to Fenway for the Ted Williams tribute. (Who needs a game to get to Fenway??)
...you still have the first Red Sox hat you ever owned, which you refuse you wash because that would take away the good luck.
...you honestly think YOUR superstitious actions will turn around a game that the Red Sox are losing.
...you fed your children microwave popcorn for dinner because the game was on and you could not possibly leave the living room for more than 60 seconds.
...you got caught skipping school on Opening Day - Mom was watching the game on TV!
...you kick people out of and ban them from your dorm room once you find out they're Yankee fans, or even just from New Jersey.
...you have "Dedicated Red Sox fan" on your resume.
...you're stuck 2000 miles away from Boston and have no TV, so you call your dad during the Sox game and ask him to hold up the telephone to the TV so you can hear what's going on.
...you tap your toes and adjust your wrist watch several times before sitting down to the dinner plate.
...the first word you learned to spell (as a 3-year-old) was Yastrzemski.
...you think the most satisfying moment of the 2001 season was seeing Everett break up Mussina's perfect game.
...you went to a game between the Phillies and D-Backs with a sign that said, "Am I the only Red Sox fan here?"
...your kids' school drawings systematically disappear from the fridge to make room for Red Sox ticket stubs and Fenway magnets.
...you don't attend Easter dinner with your inlaws because you have Sox tickets, and your mother-in-law is irate and calls your Mom, and your Mom backs you up and says they are playing the Yankees, you don't understand.
...you did your physics report on Ted Williams' Science of Hitting, and your Spanish class biography on Manny Ramirez. You live in NY, and were proud to recite them in front of a class full of Yankee fans.
...your 16-month-old daughter runs to get your Sox hat whenever she sees baseball on TV, because she knows you need it!
...you've figured out the Sox "magic number", and it's the first week of June. (107)
...you can still name the entire roster of the 1967 "Impossible Dream" team.
...your wiffle ball field has a Green Monster.
...you schedule your 2nd week of vacation for late October because "This is the year." Oh, and it was March when you scheduled it.
...your 4-year-old son can not only say Nomar Garciaparra, but can also spell it!
...you make everyone on your floor of your BU dorm be quiet during Sox games because you can hear the roar of the crowd during home runs if it's quiet enough.
...you and your Dad were crying on opposites ends of the phone, 450 miles apart, after the ball went between Buckner's legs...
...you have stayed up all night to construct a fool-proof argument as to why Ted Williams should have won the MVP in '41 instead of Joe DiMaggio.
...you are still keeping Sam Horn's rookie card because it might be worth something someday.
...you get fired after refusing to wait on an old lady wearing a Yankees hat.
...the first thing you ask a new co-worker from Connecticut is "Are you a Sox fan?" and when you find out he likes the Yankees you tell him he should move to New York where he belongs.
...you taped the Spring Training report when Nomar spoke from 6 different channels even though it was basically the same thing on all the channels.
...you wore a Dwight Evans jersey to a double header at Yankee Stadium when you were 14 (and your mother was with you and insisted you keep your jacket on).
...the first word you ever learned how to read was the capitalized BOSTON in the AL East standings when you were 4.
...you go to school in NY, but still wear your Red Sox shirts to school proudly (and try to avoid getting stuffed in a locker).
...you used to play hooky from school to sit on the billboard across the street from Fenway. No left field view, but I saw my boys every opening day.
...you choose all Red Sox for your fantasy team.
...you've umped a little league game between the Red Sox and Yankees and told the Red Sox coach that he would win before the first pitch was thrown.
...you bought a red Jeep and pasted it with Red Sox stickers to drive to every game.
...you keep a "Wally the Beanbag Buddy" in your suit pocket for luck when there's a day game and you're at work and can't watch.
...you do like Nomar's parents did, spelling the father's name backwards. My son will be Mada.
...you live in NYY territory, and went to school with everything Red Sox (including your socks) after the Sox swept the Yanks in 3 at NY!!! It was a good thing I was the biggest kid in the class!
...You're at a friend's house and he decides "Hey, let's go to a game next month! John, you wouldn't happen to know the number to order tickets off the top of your head, would you?" and you reply "Sure, it's 1-617-482-4769. Then you have to press 1, then enter your 10 digit phone number, then 1 again, then your 5 digit zip, then 1 again, then your credit card number (followed by the pound sign), then your 2 digit expiration month, then your 2 digit expiration year, then 1 again, then enter 1 for selecting a game by date, then the 2 digit month, then the 2 digit year."
...you turn the TV off and then back on to break the bad-luck jinx during a game.
...you've refused to listen to "We Are the Champions" by Queen for the past 3 years and you won't until the Sox win the World Series.
...you instructed your children to spread your ashes into the outfield at Fenway Park when you die.
...it is established that you are the only Red Sox fan in the state of Nebraska.
...you woke up your parents to tell them the Sox got Manny!
...you've ever been kicked out of class for getting in an argument with your teacher about how much better Pedro is than Roger while refusing to remove your Red Sox cap... in a school where caps aren't allowed.
...you bring a radio with you when you go golfing and drive slowly so the hum of the engine of the cart doesn't drown out the game.
...you sit on your couch for 4 hours pressing re-dial when the phone lines are busy for Opening Day tickets.
...you were in the stands for a Sox-Yankees game instead of attending your graduation ceremonies at UMass.
...for your college thesis, you wrote about Ted Williams's book on hitting.
...you can't even watch films about prisons because of all the damn pinstripes!
...you define the word "hate" by the way you feel about the Yankees.
"Baseball isn't a life-and-death matter, but the Red Sox are." - Mike Barnicle, Boston Globe, 1977. (read less)
You might be a diehard if...
...your first question upon waking up from surgery was "Did we win?"
...you haven't been to a baseball game without wearing a Sox jersey since you were 4 years old, and you live in LA.
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